[James81]

Originally Posted by FirstLife

However, my positive attitude (and however much happy I have been) severely clashes with what I study in science and what empirical findings say.

But your attitude ISN'T positive. Or, and no offense is meant by this, what I'm trying to say in blunt terms is that you are LYING TO YOURSELF. You are telling yourself that you have a positive attitude, but from an outside perspective (i.e. mine) you DON'T have a positive attitude. And that's easy to do. Hell, I've done it myself. Remember this post by you:

I am starting to realize that one of the most important things of life (or we were culturally influenced to think of as important)- our mating behavior, or call it romance, love, relationships, sexuality, etc. - is an area where I am probably determined not to excel, it's the area where no matter how skillful and talented I am or can learn to become, I will never find what I really want.

Let me break out, specifically, the attitude I am talking about:

I will never find what I really want.

Read that again. Recognize what you are doing with that statement. The statement itself is a poster example of one of those statements that signify you have negative attitudes about yourself because you are using an extreme with no real justification behind it other than your limited experiences (i.e. using the word "never" in a situation where you simply DON'T KNOW THAT, unless you are a prophet and can see the future).

And that's what I'm trying to point out to you.

Originally Posted by FirstLife

My relationship to what I learn is:
- I experience life
- I study life, learn something new
- I apply that in my next experience
- I add that experience to my studies
and that's a kind of loop.

Your past experiences have shaped who you are and what you believe (sure, I'll buy that), but they do not define who you CAN BE. Only what you do NOW defines that, and you aren't getting the things you want NOW because of your limitations in the PAST. But now that you have opened your mind to change...to a new set of attitudes....you can begin seeing the affects those attitudes (assuming you accept my challenge to change those attitudes) have on your ability to get things done in the FUTURE.

Originally Posted by FirstLife

My interior struggle has always been to disprove the typical materialistic results of science. So, in many ways I agree with what you're saying, or I would want that what you say is universally true, but science says the opposite.
(note that I am using the generalized word "science" as all empirical research and academic theories in psychology... it has no relation to science vs religion or such issues).

1. Your approach isn't scientific because you aren't starting with a completely unbiased hypothesis. Let me point that out by quoting the part that suggests that:

My interior struggle has always been to disprove the typical materialistic results of science.

Your hypothesis is so general (disprove typical materialistic results of science)and you are specifically setting out to bend the science to what YOU think. And of course, you are going to get the results you desire because that's what you are focused on. Wouldn't a more scientific approach be to "verify the validity of the typical materialisitic results of science"? Again, another cue to your inherently negative belief system (again, nothing personal).

Originally Posted by FirstLife

but there are certain things that cannot be changed, esp. due to my disability.

Mind sharing what your disability is? But again, there are limits from your disability, but it doesn't mean that you will inherently fail to get what you want. The interesting thing about going after what you want is that in the process of doing so, you actually discover what you NEED.

Originally Posted by FirstLife

Yet I wonder whether I will be able to get the most beautiful woman unless I make major sacrifices (getting THE most well-paying job, etc. basically, focusing all my choices on goals of life, career, interests, etc. only so that I can get her!).

What I am saying is that I don't want my desire to get the most beautiful woman to shape my life, my activities, my interests, my career etc. since they are more important to me than any romantic relationship

NO! No! No! Man, damn no!

Look, if you set out after those goals merely to acheive them to get a woman, you are going to likely fail, give up, or just become bitter about the process.

You don't do those things to "get a woman." You do those things because you know those are what's BEST for you as an individual. You do those things to show yourself you don't NEED a woman (that you can be happy on your own because you create your own happiness), and then the byproduct of those things is that you become more attractive to women because you have become independent.

You cannot approach those things from the standpoint of getting a woman, nor can you approach those things as some sort of scientific test to see if I am right. You must approach those things because you truly, inherently, believe that it is the best thing for you. Which...comes back to beliefs again. If you don't believe that, then your first goal is to find a way TO believe that. Then proceed.