Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

Bagz · 01-18-2007, 04:47 AM

Hey all,

My first post here, so be gentle

I'm writing because I've encountered a problem and I want to avoid it happening ever again... if possible.

I've been wondering along the path of personal development for about 2 1/2 years. I say 'wondering' because despite my best efforts, I find it hard to maintain that feeling of white hot strength and motivation, it comes and goes, and I often revert to behaviour I know is not constructive or effective. I've read all the classic books, many blogs (including Steve's), listened to podcasts, exercise regularly, practiced introspection, analysed my own behaviour and (mostly) tried to stay positive....

But last week I fell apart. It literally felt like the scaffolding just dropped out from under me. I gave into fear, and my self confidence dissolved (read: I spent 2 days sitting in my car, unable to summon the courage to approach potential clients to see if they'd like to try my product). I stressed so badly about my poor behaviour that I ended having a blinding migraine for a couple of days.

Now I'm feeling a bit more clear headed, and I'm trying to work it out and pick up the pieces because I didn't consciously see it coming.

A bit of background. I'm launching a new company, and I have the proverbial farm riding on it, I also have investors on board who have placed immense trust and faith in me and my execution of the plan. Success or failure hinges largely on my performance- primarily on my ability to convince businesses to give us a go. Its the responsibility I always wanted when I was in a Dilbert cube, and I've worked hard to get here. But now I feel like I've dropped the ball.

Also, a close uncle passed away suddenly of cancer in November (only sick a few months), and a week before our launch which was very upsetting to me. He was young, had a young family and children, and was the closest of my extended family. Having seen what he and his family went through, I organised a sponsorship deal with a charity that supports low income families affected by cancer, and I want to be able to contribute financially to them. It all rides on the business, and specifically my sales performance. Additionally, we aren't actually making any money yet, and don't expect to until mid year, and our cash reserves are razor thin.

I'm not a very outgoing person (INTJ according to this and a couple of others I've tried) sales is a very challenging role for me, but I have done it literally 500+ times over the past few months before this event... although it never got any easier.

Changes I've made in the last 7 days to try and fix myself:

I get up for a run at 6am each morning. (Set start time as per Steve's article. It seems to have helped my insomnia. I also stopped running about 8 weeks ago, as I had convinced myself I was too busy)
Picked up some brian tracy confidence cds which I listen to while running/trying to sleep. (Also seems to help with the insomnia)
Trying out the listen to good music, think about the things I find challenging.
Plastered my office and bedroom walls with positive affirmations
Typed up my daily goals and put it up on a wall so I can keep track of how often I am meeting my commitments to myself
Set 90 day, and long term goal and put them up on the wall too
Started correcting myself whenever I think or say something negative, and reaffirming things in my head in a positive manner.
Cleaned up my room and workspace so that I don't feel surrounded by mess.
Made a commitment to my partner that we spend 1 whole day every fortnight doing something fun and not think about work (fun has been off the menu for a long time)
Trying to correct my attitude towards my role, in particular the sales aspect

I'm starting to feel a bit better (Day 8 since the problem), in that my life feels more under control, but I still don't feel as confident on the inside as I did 6 weeks ago- still feel kind of empty. I'm also struggling with the dread of getting back on the horse in terms of my work.

Can anyone offer suggestions about what else I should be doing? I can't afford to continue doubting myself.. I need to lift my game but I'm not sure of the best way to do it.

Thank you for reading!

Bagz

01-18-2007, 04:47 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bagz Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1	Mental collapse... Hey all, My first post here, so be gentle I'm writing because I've encountered a problem and I want to avoid it happening ever again... if possible. I've been wondering along the path of personal development for about 2 1/2 years. I say 'wondering' because despite my best efforts, I find it hard to maintain that feeling of white hot strength and motivation, it comes and goes, and I often revert to behaviour I know is not constructive or effective. I've read all the classic books, many blogs (including Steve's), listened to podcasts, exercise regularly, practiced introspection, analysed my own behaviour and (mostly) tried to stay positive.... But last week I fell apart. It literally felt like the scaffolding just dropped out from under me. I gave into fear, and my self confidence dissolved (read: I spent 2 days sitting in my car, unable to summon the courage to approach potential clients to see if they'd like to try my product). I stressed so badly about my poor behaviour that I ended having a blinding migraine for a couple of days. Now I'm feeling a bit more clear headed, and I'm trying to work it out and pick up the pieces because I didn't consciously see it coming. A bit of background. I'm launching a new company, and I have the proverbial farm riding on it, I also have investors on board who have placed immense trust and faith in me and my execution of the plan. Success or failure hinges largely on my performance- primarily on my ability to convince businesses to give us a go. Its the responsibility I always wanted when I was in a Dilbert cube, and I've worked hard to get here. But now I feel like I've dropped the ball. Also, a close uncle passed away suddenly of cancer in November (only sick a few months), and a week before our launch which was very upsetting to me. He was young, had a young family and children, and was the closest of my extended family. Having seen what he and his family went through, I organised a sponsorship deal with a charity that supports low income families affected by cancer, and I want to be able to contribute financially to them. It all rides on the business, and specifically my sales performance. Additionally, we aren't actually making any money yet, and don't expect to until mid year, and our cash reserves are razor thin. I'm not a very outgoing person (INTJ according to this and a couple of others I've tried) sales is a very challenging role for me, but I have done it literally 500+ times over the past few months before this event... although it never got any easier. Changes I've made in the last 7 days to try and fix myself: I get up for a run at 6am each morning. (Set start time as per Steve's article. It seems to have helped my insomnia. I also stopped running about 8 weeks ago, as I had convinced myself I was too busy) Picked up some brian tracy confidence cds which I listen to while running/trying to sleep. (Also seems to help with the insomnia) Trying out the listen to good music, think about the things I find challenging. Plastered my office and bedroom walls with positive affirmations Typed up my daily goals and put it up on a wall so I can keep track of how often I am meeting my commitments to myself Set 90 day, and long term goal and put them up on the wall too Started correcting myself whenever I think or say something negative, and reaffirming things in my head in a positive manner. Cleaned up my room and workspace so that I don't feel surrounded by mess. Made a commitment to my partner that we spend 1 whole day every fortnight doing something fun and not think about work (fun has been off the menu for a long time) Trying to correct my attitude towards my role, in particular the sales aspect I'm starting to feel a bit better (Day 8 since the problem), in that my life feels more under control, but I still don't feel as confident on the inside as I did 6 weeks ago- still feel kind of empty. I'm also struggling with the dread of getting back on the horse in terms of my work. Can anyone offer suggestions about what else I should be doing? I can't afford to continue doubting myself.. I need to lift my game but I'm not sure of the best way to do it. Thank you for reading! Bagz