Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - How to accept change? I'm a freshman in college. no longer friends with best friend

abcxyz · 04-09-2009, 07:39 AM

After the club event, my best friend and I didn't speak, nor look at each other. A mutual friend of ours from back home knew the whole story. I was so angry the following week at my best friend that I wanted to puke if i ever saw her. I told my mutual friend that I was going to move out. She told my best friend. Basically then this big new ordeal happened. We both wanted to move out, but for different reasons. I got so depressed that I wanted to start over with new people. My best friend straight up told our mutual friend I don't deserve to start over. She even told her roommate that the only reason she is moving out is b/c only one of us can, and she did not want me to be happy. The RA got involved, and we eventually were both put in the same room. The resident instructor said she's never dealt with an issue as bad as ours EVER b/c neither of us were willing to compromise (again she's never had two girls with history since age 6). I told my reasons, and my former best friend is a smooth talker and made up a bunch of lies. In the end though... we both got to move out. My suite mates told me my best friend was pissed that I got to runaway from the problem and that she didn't want to move out anymore. She had no choice though b/c we made it a big deal. I was extremely happy to move out and didn't care at all what she did.

My new suite mates, however, are not my friends at all, I actually miss my old suite mates. But I needed this change. My old roommate and I were friends, but would never hang out on weekends. My new roommate and I barely say a word to each other... maybe just Hi. I didn't care much b/c it was a new semester and I was barely in the room most of the time. However before, I use to extremely messy and disorganized, now in my new suite I've learned to be very very very clean, and I even make my bed every morning (never would happen in my old suite)

I had a new group of friends... those same girls from the beginning.
I told them a lil about the situation I was in, and they were soo friendly. They started inviting me to lunch every day, and to hang out with them on weekends.
I was having so much fun. I partied every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, which is more than most people b/c my schools a private small college. Sometimes I'd even go out after work at 12:30AM on tuesdays to party. I was having an epic time with my new friends, enjoying life and things were going better.
I finally got diagnosed with ADD in january so I had medication. My grades were now all As.
I was partying twice as hard compared to last semester, working 10 hours a week so making money, my grades were amazing, and while at the same time meeting so many new people. I saw no harm.

I never even thought of my best friend b/c so much was happening, except in the end of February, I ran into her at a party, I was really drunk, and I started a fight with her (more of just me crying saying how all I wanted to do was save her).
Besides that I never saw her, even though we have a class together (I sit in the front, she sits in the back).
I just continued partying with my new friends and we just had so much fun.
Everything was great till spring break (MArch 7-14). I went home (instead of Mexico cause I ran out of money). It was my first time having alone time since our the events of winter break before second semester. I got really sad thinking about it and I cried every night myself to sleep at home.

Everything has changed since then. That weekend back from spring break I questioned my friendship with my new friends. I pretended to be happy and partied that weekend. Unfortunately I decided to drink, and then started crying about how I missed my best friend to my new friends.
My new friends seemed understanding and even tried to cheer me up.
The next week I was really sad though and felt awkward with my friends. I avoided all lunches with my friends by making excuses and stayed in the library. Little things people said would remind me of my best friend and I would began to tear up, in public! but blame it on something in my eye. That weekend I stayed sober b/c

I HAD FINALLY LEARNED NOT TO DRINK WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING BAD ON MY MIND!!!

I contemplated life and my new friends and my lifestyle insead. (this was two weeks ago).
I went out on saturday as to not be completely antisocial but DDed.
I took the next weekend off too b/c I knew it would be bad if i drank.

Me and my friends kind of have drifted since then b/c I stayed in on fridays (usually crying about my life in my dorm room). I'm sadbecause I have no one that I feel I really connect to like I thought and I really miss my best friend, whom we could say ANYTHING to each other and act like dorks. We had the same views on life. I miss talking about school and amazing lectures teacher's have given or talk about controversial subject with my best friend (which we would both usually agree on). I like my new friends, but usually we just talked about partying, sex, and boys. Occasionally some deep issues but very rare. They are getting good grades but don't like talking about school. And they laugh at the idea of people who stay in or go to the movies instead of partying (not to stay in to think of life, but just stay in b/c you're tired).

I see on facebook and through what my mutual friend from home says that my best friend has made best friends with her new suite mates. They are living together next year. She still is going to parties and smoking, and doing some drugs (probably none of the hard ones)
I was suppose to be living with my new friends next years, but since spring break I think they changed their mind b/c of my antisocial attitude. I decided Im going to live alone in a single next year anyways on my own after being asked if it was a smart idea to move in with these girls who party a lot.

I'm also sad and somewhat jealous my former best friend has made a new solid group of friends where I have not. I could be replaced so quickly and am still so sad and lonely. I feel I have grown so much and don't find the fun that much in partying, but I still want to go out at least once a weekend and drink.
I fear I am hiding myself in my studies, b/c i'm in the library all the time and I don't need to be. I have the highest grade in 3 of the 5 classes I'm taking. And the other two classes I have As anyways.

It was my former best friend's bday on April 6. I sent her a message saying I know we're not on good terms, but happy bday. (no reply). I just don't know what to do or think. I know I'm socially awkward and have a hard time talking to guys unless I'm drunk. Plus being drunk is fun (hence why college kids drink). There would always be epic stories that I will never forget (but sometimes may hardly remember) that just make college amazing. But I plan on calming down on it.

I look back and see how crazy I have been. First semester I had sex with 4 different guys I met at parties.
And second semester, I have been sent to detox, and one night I was caught by the RAs on campus throwing up. They sent me to the hospital in an ambulance, and i blew a .255 (they didn't pump my stomach or anything, just waited for me to sober up). I woke up not remembering a thing and waking up in a hospital bed freaking out. 4 days after that I went out drinking (this was 2 weeks before spring break).

Change is hard. And it has hit me. I cry atleast once every weekend. I miss my friend so much.

04-09-2009, 07:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
abcxyz Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 4	After the club event, my best friend and I didn't speak, nor look at each other. A mutual friend of ours from back home knew the whole story. I was so angry the following week at my best friend that I wanted to puke if i ever saw her. I told my mutual friend that I was going to move out. She told my best friend. Basically then this big new ordeal happened. We both wanted to move out, but for different reasons. I got so depressed that I wanted to start over with new people. My best friend straight up told our mutual friend I don't deserve to start over. She even told her roommate that the only reason she is moving out is b/c only one of us can, and she did not want me to be happy. The RA got involved, and we eventually were both put in the same room. The resident instructor said she's never dealt with an issue as bad as ours EVER b/c neither of us were willing to compromise (again she's never had two girls with history since age 6). I told my reasons, and my former best friend is a smooth talker and made up a bunch of lies. In the end though... we both got to move out. My suite mates told me my best friend was pissed that I got to runaway from the problem and that she didn't want to move out anymore. She had no choice though b/c we made it a big deal. I was extremely happy to move out and didn't care at all what she did. My new suite mates, however, are not my friends at all, I actually miss my old suite mates. But I needed this change. My old roommate and I were friends, but would never hang out on weekends. My new roommate and I barely say a word to each other... maybe just Hi. I didn't care much b/c it was a new semester and I was barely in the room most of the time. However before, I use to extremely messy and disorganized, now in my new suite I've learned to be very very very clean, and I even make my bed every morning (never would happen in my old suite) I had a new group of friends... those same girls from the beginning. I told them a lil about the situation I was in, and they were soo friendly. They started inviting me to lunch every day, and to hang out with them on weekends. I was having so much fun. I partied every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, which is more than most people b/c my schools a private small college. Sometimes I'd even go out after work at 12:30AM on tuesdays to party. I was having an epic time with my new friends, enjoying life and things were going better. I finally got diagnosed with ADD in january so I had medication. My grades were now all As. I was partying twice as hard compared to last semester, working 10 hours a week so making money, my grades were amazing, and while at the same time meeting so many new people. I saw no harm. I never even thought of my best friend b/c so much was happening, except in the end of February, I ran into her at a party, I was really drunk, and I started a fight with her (more of just me crying saying how all I wanted to do was save her). Besides that I never saw her, even though we have a class together (I sit in the front, she sits in the back). I just continued partying with my new friends and we just had so much fun. Everything was great till spring break (MArch 7-14). I went home (instead of Mexico cause I ran out of money). It was my first time having alone time since our the events of winter break before second semester. I got really sad thinking about it and I cried every night myself to sleep at home. Everything has changed since then. That weekend back from spring break I questioned my friendship with my new friends. I pretended to be happy and partied that weekend. Unfortunately I decided to drink, and then started crying about how I missed my best friend to my new friends. My new friends seemed understanding and even tried to cheer me up. The next week I was really sad though and felt awkward with my friends. I avoided all lunches with my friends by making excuses and stayed in the library. Little things people said would remind me of my best friend and I would began to tear up, in public! but blame it on something in my eye. That weekend I stayed sober b/c I HAD FINALLY LEARNED NOT TO DRINK WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING BAD ON MY MIND!!! I contemplated life and my new friends and my lifestyle insead. (this was two weeks ago). I went out on saturday as to not be completely antisocial but DDed. I took the next weekend off too b/c I knew it would be bad if i drank. Me and my friends kind of have drifted since then b/c I stayed in on fridays (usually crying about my life in my dorm room). I'm sadbecause I have no one that I feel I really connect to like I thought and I really miss my best friend, whom we could say ANYTHING to each other and act like dorks. We had the same views on life. I miss talking about school and amazing lectures teacher's have given or talk about controversial subject with my best friend (which we would both usually agree on). I like my new friends, but usually we just talked about partying, sex, and boys. Occasionally some deep issues but very rare. They are getting good grades but don't like talking about school. And they laugh at the idea of people who stay in or go to the movies instead of partying (not to stay in to think of life, but just stay in b/c you're tired). I see on facebook and through what my mutual friend from home says that my best friend has made best friends with her new suite mates. They are living together next year. She still is going to parties and smoking, and doing some drugs (probably none of the hard ones) I was suppose to be living with my new friends next years, but since spring break I think they changed their mind b/c of my antisocial attitude. I decided Im going to live alone in a single next year anyways on my own after being asked if it was a smart idea to move in with these girls who party a lot. I'm also sad and somewhat jealous my former best friend has made a new solid group of friends where I have not. I could be replaced so quickly and am still so sad and lonely. I feel I have grown so much and don't find the fun that much in partying, but I still want to go out at least once a weekend and drink. I fear I am hiding myself in my studies, b/c i'm in the library all the time and I don't need to be. I have the highest grade in 3 of the 5 classes I'm taking. And the other two classes I have As anyways. It was my former best friend's bday on April 6. I sent her a message saying I know we're not on good terms, but happy bday. (no reply). I just don't know what to do or think. I know I'm socially awkward and have a hard time talking to guys unless I'm drunk. Plus being drunk is fun (hence why college kids drink). There would always be epic stories that I will never forget (but sometimes may hardly remember) that just make college amazing. But I plan on calming down on it. I look back and see how crazy I have been. First semester I had sex with 4 different guys I met at parties. And second semester, I have been sent to detox, and one night I was caught by the RAs on campus throwing up. They sent me to the hospital in an ambulance, and i blew a .255 (they didn't pump my stomach or anything, just waited for me to sober up). I woke up not remembering a thing and waking up in a hospital bed freaking out. 4 days after that I went out drinking (this was 2 weeks before spring break). Change is hard. And it has hit me. I cry atleast once every weekend. I miss my friend so much.