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We have been best friends since age 6. We're 19 now. I'm a freshman in college and my former best friend actually goes to the same one as me. We've been best friends since the age of 6... more like sisters. We were always there for each other, like when her mother died from cancer when were 16, our messed up families, social problems, and basically everything.
Everything was going great, we actually ended up living in the same suite in college (that was by accident! we did not want that b/c we wanted to branch out). We were NOT roommates, but shared a suite with 6 other girls. The other girls did not like going out, so we never really liked them much b/c they judged us. My friend and I basically did everything together, I had a lot of confidence b/c I already had one friend when I knew others were looking for some. We'd introduce each other to new people and such. I made one really good friend, my co-worker at work and basically all three of us partied every weekend and did so many things, inviting others occasionally.

I'll admit I went a little crazy with the partying and hookups and it showed with my grades. But I loved life, and I knew my college experience was going better than everyone else back in my grade in high school.

Then me and my best friend got into a fight over break. I don't want to say much about it, but basically it had to do with my drinking. I have a history in high school where I got really drunk and made an idiot of myself, they people would hate me for what I said/ did. This time was the same, except for the first time ever with my best friend. I got really drunk and uncontrollably ridiculous. I started crying about my best friend and her boyfriend. He beats her and I started crying about it in public (but no one could understand me). See earlier that week I had confront my best friend (I was sober) saying i need to talk to him, and how I don't like him, but I just want give him a talking to telling him I'm watching my best friend's back. My best friend laughed nervously and brushed it off. So it basically was on my mind when this happened. And basically in the end, I ended up bitching out the boyfriend in front of his mom at 2 am and giving him death threats and punched him (I'm 5'0 and he's 6'4 and has a 140 pounds on me so I really could do no harm). My mom had been in a previous abusive relationship and it affected me a lot when my mom told me about it. (i wasn't born yet)

So basically from there, when I woke up I knew what I had done that night was so awful beyond words. the next day I apologized, she didn't answer my calls, and I even went to her house a couple days later but bad timing- her boyfriend, and dad were outside with her.
Then break was over and I was so sad, I had been crying every day b/c I knew things would never be the same b/w me and her.
She loves her boyfriend, she planned on marrying him. He also was there for her when her mom died (they started dating that year). He and I never got a long, and then when she told me the story about how he beat the crap out of her and technically raped her, it was heart breaking. She has gone through so much in her life, like soooo much that no one should ever have to go through, that this was just too much. When she told me, it was summer, and college was about to start in 3 months. She made me promise not to tell anyone, so I didn't. My thought process was that we're going to college soon and there will be way more guys there.
So college first semester was epic, we'd hook up a lot with cute guys, but in the end my friend always said her boyfriend would be the one she marries (they were allowed to hookup with other people as long as they told each other). She would tell him the truth if she hooked up with someone, and he'd make her cry every time, which made me sad to watch. There was this one guy who was black, however, that she did not tell him about b/c she said "he will literally kill me if he finds out" and she would repeat literally over and over again (he really would). What made me more mad was that he said he hadn't hooked up with anyone, when in fact it is known proof he did with this one girl from back home. He denied it, and my best friend is so in love with him she believed him when all facts point to him lying. Also, he turned my best friend into a coke addict. Not that she was one in college, but she would constantly say, omg I need coke.. yeah yeah i know its bad but I'm addicted.

When we came back from break, she told me the situation made her rethink our friendship and her life. She said she's done with partying and does not want to hang out with me on weekends. I told her I'm done with drinking and will stop forever b/c I know we would still be best friends like before if it wasn't for that. I told her I finally learned b/c her friendship means everything to me. She said she didn't believe me and wasn't going to wait around and see if I actually do stop. She said she would study with me for classes, but can't see out friendship going much further b/c what I did was so horrible. She even went to say that her boyfriend had never done anything as horrible as I did. I was crying of course when hearing this, but I said I was sorry for the way it happened, but not sorry for what I said to him. She said he doesn't touch her anymore, and I said I don't believe her ( I know not right thing to say). She said I don't care what you think. And basically ended like that... Oh also I said how I was thinking about moving out of the suite, so I could start over with new suite mates and meet new people. She told me not to move out, and that I would just be running away from my problems. we just tried to end on a good note b/c we had class together right then.

I invited her to go to dinner that friday night, and she denied. I got really depressed b/c I know my friend like no other and I know she was serious when she said we won't be like we were before. I realized I had no other real friends and nothing to do on the weekend b/c I told my co-worker I quit drinking and the fight I had with my best friend (she was good friends with both of us). I called up and went out with this new group of girls who I kinda knew from last semester. I ended up drinking that night at the party... then my coworker friend showed up. She was pissed that I drank after saying I wouldn't. She said we'd talk about it later (which we never did). My coworker was really rude to me the rest of the night, telling me to shut the **** up when I asked who someone was because i was being "so ****ing loud." I would tell her she didn't even know the whole story of what happened. I came back to the suite after the party and saw my best friend in the common room. then I confronted her and told her I'm not going to stop drinking b/c I still don't have it out of my system yet and it's what a lot of people do to be social... going to parties. She said she understood, but she didn't want to anymore (go to parties and she was going to try and stop drugs). I said tht's really good. Later that night she said she denied my dinner request b/c she says she can't look at me the same way after what I did over break.

We both cried together this time. She never cries, NEVER. She said she's so sad what has happened with us.

It was just such a sad situation.

The next night is where everything changed more and I know it's my fault. We were at a club, I was with the same new group of girls. I got ridiculously drunk again and wondered off. I eventually ran into my best friend (her first night out since the event), who was with my co-worker friend- I just go so angry and cried and bitched BOTH of them out. I walked away so drunk. I ended up being so drunk, I was making out with this guy outside the club. Then his friends came and they started pulling my clothing off right there, I screamed and said no and they continued. I eventually ran away and then called the police. The police came and said I was too drunk so they took me to detox (they said they were going to be nice and not file it in my record or charge me with anything). In the end, I called my best friend if she could pick me up (she was the only number I knew off the top of my head). She, of course, declined it. My school's public safety brought me back at 4am. When I came into my common room, my best friend was there, gave me an evil stare and walked to her room without a word. My new friends I had came with said they had been looking for me all night, but they had my phone so they didn't know how to contact me. (they had a series of events too on there own). I summed up to them my night and they were shocked, but ever since then we've been hanging out.

Anyways, My suite mates even knew something was going on. They confronted me and were like we're going to have an intervention if you two don't fix things... I know we yelled at you guys everyday for being so loud, but we don't like this quietness! (i laughed a lil and told them it wouldn't help).
This was at the end of january.