Quote:
Originally Posted by James81  Let me get this straight...these are the options you are offering her:
1. You can have sex with me, and we can remain friends.
2. You can choose NOT to have sex with me, and we can still remain friends. |
Heh - I can see how you might distill it down to just that, if you were convinced that women didn't enjoy recreational sex!
The
offer is actually nested in the follow-up to expressing your openness to, and appreciation of, her right to decide when and with whom she has sexual experiences. In other words, your offer is:
I accept you for
who you are,
a treasured friend, and
I am unwilling to sacrifice the relationship we have, because it is healthy, worthwhile, and appropriate. That said, I have no desire to have you as 'my property', or to interfere with your pursuit of romantic satisfactions, so I would not label you as "MY Girlfriend", just as you wouldn't want me to be "Your Boyfriend".
We ARE eachothers' "Friends", and IF you would like to have playful sex with someone who will continue always to be here for you, and who will appreciate, accept, and attend you
WITHOUT JUDGING YOU! then I'd be delighted to be
that someone - or ONE of those 'someones', as I will never make a claim to having exclusive access.
Quote:
Originally Posted by James81 Why on God's green earth would an attractive woman, who has access to any number of guys at any moment that she could have sex with, choose to risk bringing issues into her friendship with you by having sex with you? |
[Sigh]
First of all, you are operating from a VERY faulty premise.
Women, regardless of how attractive they may be,
DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO 'ANY NUMBER OF GUYS' whom they are
ATTRACTED TO, AND ENJOY SUFFICIENTLY simply to select one, and have sex with him.
Women SHOULD, certainly - but they don't; mostly because they KNOW that they will live to regret it if they DO, because society will brand them negatively and deride them publicly; the men they connect with with alter their opinions of the woman afterwards, (particularly if she doesn't wish a repeat encounter); and they have been raised to believe that doing so would prove them 'unclean' and 'unworthy' and demonstrate that she hasn't any self-respect.
When you explicitly and sincerely express to a woman FRIEND that she WILL NOT BE JUDGED, CONDEMNED, NOR ABANDONED regardless of her decision as to whether or not to engage in recreational sex with you, and that the only way your relationship might change is that NOW you'd have gotten past the 'physical intimacy barrier' and can be still more open and connected than before. Oh, and that you can also both get laid when you both want to, if you wish, without risk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by James81 Let's get real here...if you are friends with a woman that you want to sleep with, then you need to make the decision within yourself that you are going to put it on the line. Risk something. Don't use your friendship as leverage to get her to sleep with you, but realize that if you are wanting to sleep with your "friend" then you probably don't see her as just a friend, and being "friends" with the women you want to sleep with is only taxing of YOUR time (a waste of time if you ask me) and YOUR emotional health (women tend to "vent" to their "friends"). |
Just because YOU cannot have a friendship with a woman you find sexually attractive does not imply that other, more mature men will have the same limitation.
Overwhelmingly, I HAVE slept with most of my female friends, and still might on occasion, with any of them. This is because OUR FRIENDSHIP IS GENUINE, and doesn't require us to compartmentalize-away our sexuality in order to relate. We can accept one another as sexual creatures, without feeling that 'having sex' implies 'being boyfriend & girlfriend', nor assigning any sense of possessiveness of jealousy to one another.
As for my girlfriends venting to me about their stresses and concerns, trials and tribulations, OF COURSE THEY DO, and they are welcome to - we're FRIENDS, remember? - and frequently they will ask me for advice on how to get with some guy they have a crush on at work, while lying in my arms in bed, or equivalent.
Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy