Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Guys: If your girlfriend "let herself go..."

Trina · 01-17-2007, 06:12 PM

I am a woman so I will say how I would feel if my husband let himself go...

Well, if he gained weight and completely changed his lifestyle, I would assume it was because there was something else going on. I wouldn't be as concerned with his weight as I would be with his happiness. Whatever stress or issue was effecting him and caused the problem would be what I addressed, not just the weight itself. If the weight gain was caused by something else, like perhaps a busier schedule and less time to eat healthy, I would offer him healthy meals at home and urge him to make better choices for the sake of his health (because I want him around for a LONG time), but I wouldn't tell him I wasn't attracted to him anymore and he had to lose weight to keep me. I wouldn't feel that way.

I think that one thing that some men need to realize is that just because a woman gains weight, that doesn't mean she is letting herself go (and same with men gaining weight). Sometimes people get busy, their lives get hectic, and they make the quick choice instead of the healthy one. That doesn't mean they are consciously slacking on taking care of themselves. It's not a big "Screw you I don't love you enough to look good for you." Also, with women especially, the older we get the more weight we are prone to gain because of hormonal changes in our bodies. We can't help it! So, unless you want to date a man or spend your time trying to find that one lucky woman out of thousands of average women whose hormonal changes doesn't have as much of an effect on, then just accept it and move on. It would be silly to dump a woman over weight if that were the case. Unfortunately because of the societal pressure on women to look a certain way all the time, when they gain weight they gain guilt as well, even if the weight gain isn't something they brought on themselves through their lifestyle. Then that just brings on a whole other miriad of issues. Especially when the woman is a pleaser, which most women I know are. Damn that maternal instinct. LOL.

Then there are people like me that gained weight because of the GOOD choices I made in my life. Thankfully I have a husband who can recognize that and would NEVER leave me over some extra weight. I am happy with myself, and while I will never stop trying to live a healthy life and lose weight to make myself happy, I would never do it just for him and he is okay with that. He prefers it that way. And that is why he is a good man. Being in a relationship should be about helping each other, and caring about each others happiness, not jsut their weight.

JMHO.

01-17-2007, 06:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
Trina Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: The most Utarded place on the planet. Posts: 160	I am a woman so I will say how I would feel if my husband let himself go... Well, if he gained weight and completely changed his lifestyle, I would assume it was because there was something else going on. I wouldn't be as concerned with his weight as I would be with his happiness. Whatever stress or issue was effecting him and caused the problem would be what I addressed, not just the weight itself. If the weight gain was caused by something else, like perhaps a busier schedule and less time to eat healthy, I would offer him healthy meals at home and urge him to make better choices for the sake of his health (because I want him around for a LONG time), but I wouldn't tell him I wasn't attracted to him anymore and he had to lose weight to keep me. I wouldn't feel that way. I think that one thing that some men need to realize is that just because a woman gains weight, that doesn't mean she is letting herself go (and same with men gaining weight). Sometimes people get busy, their lives get hectic, and they make the quick choice instead of the healthy one. That doesn't mean they are consciously slacking on taking care of themselves. It's not a big "Screw you I don't love you enough to look good for you." Also, with women especially, the older we get the more weight we are prone to gain because of hormonal changes in our bodies. We can't help it! So, unless you want to date a man or spend your time trying to find that one lucky woman out of thousands of average women whose hormonal changes doesn't have as much of an effect on, then just accept it and move on. It would be silly to dump a woman over weight if that were the case. Unfortunately because of the societal pressure on women to look a certain way all the time, when they gain weight they gain guilt as well, even if the weight gain isn't something they brought on themselves through their lifestyle. Then that just brings on a whole other miriad of issues. Especially when the woman is a pleaser, which most women I know are. Damn that maternal instinct. LOL. Then there are people like me that gained weight because of the GOOD choices I made in my life. Thankfully I have a husband who can recognize that and would NEVER leave me over some extra weight. I am happy with myself, and while I will never stop trying to live a healthy life and lose weight to make myself happy, I would never do it just for him and he is okay with that. He prefers it that way. And that is why he is a good man. Being in a relationship should be about helping each other, and caring about each others happiness, not jsut their weight. JMHO.