Here is the secret to connecting with people:
Always try to understand what people mean when they speak.
Really, really listen to what they say, and understand that they are saying what they're saying because it is important to them. In every single thing every person says, they reveal what they value. When you can get a glimpse of what people value, you see the humanity in them.
When somebody is speaking, give 100% of your attention to them, and direct 100% of your thinking towards understanding where they are coming from and what they are trying to say.
Forget what you want to say, just drop all thoughts about yourself and your interests, and let them speak their mind. Think of it this way: When you are listening, the most important thing in the world is to figure out where the other person is coming from.
Don't worry about being understood. When you make a point of understanding, people are so grateful that you are trying to see their perspective, they'll be happy to listen after. That's all anyone wants, to be understood. And if you give them that, they'll be much more receptive to what you say than if you fire off your own opinion the moment they close their mouth.
Everyone has values, and everything they say reflects what they value; their wants and worries, their desires and fears. The fact that we all have things we value is something every person has in common, and we can share that by listening with purpose.
The habit of really listening to what someone is saying is a rare one. And the people who do it can connect with anyone. This is such a powerful idea, I'll make my next blog post about it.
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