I think I know where you're coming from. While I didn't necessary read everything you wrote I think I know what you're going through. My suggestion is work on changing your thoughts (I know you've heard this a million times). But if what you try to do doesn't work why not try something else. (yes I was stuck at this statement a long time myself). What I did is tried out some other methods specifically steve's article
How to Squash Negative Thought Patterns and that helped me out a lot. It helped me get deeper than the surface thoughts we all have and also helps to reprogram your subconscious. Again If you find that what you're doing isn't working try something else.
Good luck.