i have somehow fallen into a pattern of thinking which i would like to overcome now...
i always feel as if i dont deserve what i get or have..
for e.g ... i am blessed with good beauty, good level of intelligence, good heart to be compasionate and kind, honesty, keen interest to serve and grow etc (i can think of these as i write, but also i tend to think if others will think i am blowing my own trumpet) however if somebody says to me
anything like the stmts below ...
'you look very beautiful' or 'i think this dress will look very good on you'
'i think u are an asset to the team etc'
i immeditely get embarrased and feel as if they are just being good and nice to say that ... but actually i am not a true derserving person for that recognition....
also if i see a nice dress/bag/shoe or whatever that i like .. i tend to check the price first and whatever it be i would not buy it coz the first question that comes to my mind is ' am i worthy of it or do i deserve this' ...
after some time i feel very bad that i feel i am non-worthy
i also feel sad sometimes when my efforts or thoughts or actions just go unnoticed ... or i leave behind something that i loved to buy
overall itseems as if i have a big trouble coz one part of me feels and thinks about the good things in me ...
one part of me feels nice when recognised .. but is quiet in doubt to accept
it ...
while another part also feels upset about times when my efforts go unnoticed ..
i find it very interesting to see some people who are able to appreciate themselves and accept themsleves very well ...
although appreciation from outside ... is encouraging but actually i think its important for me to see the good in myself first and accept it as it is ... but i have not been successful in doing that ..
i want to stop asking the question to me always ' do i derserve this'