Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

jendoe · 04-01-2009, 05:27 AM

Thanks for the thoughts.

TiffyLove - thanks for your thoughts, and I hope you can figure it all out too! I know "lifes too short" to be stuck in a job that's killing you, but at the same time... it's hard. It shouldn't be, but it is.... good luck to you too.

Thanks Kaspian

JSB - I'd LOVE to join in the strike! But, I am not eligible to join the union b/c I'm classified as "management" (even though I don't actually "manage" anyone but myself). [Of course, I've also expressed interest in "protesting the protest!" to my office-mates, who don't seem to get it.]

srujacobs - thanks - I needed to hear that it sounds insane. The whole thing feels insane, but it feels even MORE crazy to be surrounded by people who can't understand why I'm upset about this and to the point of quitting. One person I work with was even told that she can not take vacation time for her upcoming marriage/honeymoon, because they need her for the strike! And NOBODY is batting an eye - they're not happy, but it's all just, "well, it's what we have to do." It feels like I've walked into some sort of crazy-world.

One guy even told me point-blank, "well, you have no choice. There's nothing you can do." I looked at him and said, "Yes - I DO have a choice. If the strike is called, I can call my manager and my strike manager and quit!"

So I can SEE the choice. I can SEE that I have a choice. And I know which choice I want, but I don't seem able to accept the consequences (ie loss of a paycheck.)

Maybe I need to just accept that that's who I am right this instant. It definitely feels like something I've struggled with in the past (Similar feeling situation in the past - I had no savings, just out of school, and was offered a job in another state - hated the state and didn't want to move, but had no clue how I was going to support myself another month. Yet managed to say no thanks... and it all has turned out ok. I did not end up homeless

)

Manomanman - thanks - I've been looking at other jobs online, but I don't really want another JOB. I've had enough jobs to know that I don't enjoy them

It sort of feels like - like my job is a beat-up old pickup truck, and I'm tied to the back of it, being dragged through the desert over broken glass - and every time I tell people this, the response I get is - "ok, so find another truck!"

I'm definitely trying to figure out the self-employment thing. I think that's the way I'll have to go eventually to get my life back. I'm doing my class and working on my first (of many hopefully) websites. It's just - a bit overwhelming right now to get it to the point of actually be up and running, especially with the job/life demands eating up so much time.

Part of me thinks - if I left the job - I could spend 3 or 4 months just focused on building the websites. If after that amount of time it doesn't look like it would work, I tried, and I'd still have 8-9 months of savings to fall back on for a job search.

But again, the job search thought makes me feel sick to my stomach - b/c I don't want another job. Jobs really seem to be a bad fit for me - my employers like me, my co-workers like me, I apparently do great work - but I hate being there (long-term observation).

Thanks Harmonium - I actually was just rereading that article a week or so ago! Guess that's my nudge to go back and read it again, and see what I'm clearly missing.

I just got Steve's book. I need to spend some time reading that. It's frustrating to me - I really want to be someone who lives in alignment with my values, and who is brave enough to make these choices. I want that sense of confidence and security that comes from the inside, that feeling that, "no matter what, I'm making the right choice - and I'm competent and able to take care of things, so it will be ok. I will make it ok."

But smart people fail. Smart people go bankrupt. Or end up on the streets. I just caught a show the other day about this guy that had gone to Juillard, but dropped out b/c of schizophrenia and was - decades later - living on the streets. It was heartbreaking, but also - scary - he was clearly very gifted at what he did, and it wasn't enough.

I don't know. Maybe there's something I can learn from going through this.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.

04-01-2009, 05:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
jendoe Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 52	Thanks for the thoughts. TiffyLove - thanks for your thoughts, and I hope you can figure it all out too! I know "lifes too short" to be stuck in a job that's killing you, but at the same time... it's hard. It shouldn't be, but it is.... good luck to you too. Thanks Kaspian JSB - I'd LOVE to join in the strike! But, I am not eligible to join the union b/c I'm classified as "management" (even though I don't actually "manage" anyone but myself). [Of course, I've also expressed interest in "protesting the protest!" to my office-mates, who don't seem to get it.] srujacobs - thanks - I needed to hear that it sounds insane. The whole thing feels insane, but it feels even MORE crazy to be surrounded by people who can't understand why I'm upset about this and to the point of quitting. One person I work with was even told that she can not take vacation time for her upcoming marriage/honeymoon, because they need her for the strike! And NOBODY is batting an eye - they're not happy, but it's all just, "well, it's what we have to do." It feels like I've walked into some sort of crazy-world. One guy even told me point-blank, "well, you have no choice. There's nothing you can do." I looked at him and said, "Yes - I DO have a choice. If the strike is called, I can call my manager and my strike manager and quit!" So I can SEE the choice. I can SEE that I have a choice. And I know which choice I want, but I don't seem able to accept the consequences (ie loss of a paycheck.) Maybe I need to just accept that that's who I am right this instant. It definitely feels like something I've struggled with in the past (Similar feeling situation in the past - I had no savings, just out of school, and was offered a job in another state - hated the state and didn't want to move, but had no clue how I was going to support myself another month. Yet managed to say no thanks... and it all has turned out ok. I did not end up homeless ) Manomanman - thanks - I've been looking at other jobs online, but I don't really want another JOB. I've had enough jobs to know that I don't enjoy them It sort of feels like - like my job is a beat-up old pickup truck, and I'm tied to the back of it, being dragged through the desert over broken glass - and every time I tell people this, the response I get is - "ok, so find another truck!" I'm definitely trying to figure out the self-employment thing. I think that's the way I'll have to go eventually to get my life back. I'm doing my class and working on my first (of many hopefully) websites. It's just - a bit overwhelming right now to get it to the point of actually be up and running, especially with the job/life demands eating up so much time. Part of me thinks - if I left the job - I could spend 3 or 4 months just focused on building the websites. If after that amount of time it doesn't look like it would work, I tried, and I'd still have 8-9 months of savings to fall back on for a job search. But again, the job search thought makes me feel sick to my stomach - b/c I don't want another job. Jobs really seem to be a bad fit for me - my employers like me, my co-workers like me, I apparently do great work - but I hate being there (long-term observation). Thanks Harmonium - I actually was just rereading that article a week or so ago! Guess that's my nudge to go back and read it again, and see what I'm clearly missing. I just got Steve's book. I need to spend some time reading that. It's frustrating to me - I really want to be someone who lives in alignment with my values, and who is brave enough to make these choices. I want that sense of confidence and security that comes from the inside, that feeling that, "no matter what, I'm making the right choice - and I'm competent and able to take care of things, so it will be ok. I will make it ok." But smart people fail. Smart people go bankrupt. Or end up on the streets. I just caught a show the other day about this guy that had gone to Juillard, but dropped out b/c of schizophrenia and was - decades later - living on the streets. It was heartbreaking, but also - scary - he was clearly very gifted at what he did, and it wasn't enough. I don't know. Maybe there's something I can learn from going through this. Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.