From my perspective, jendoe, you sound certifiably insane. Why would you allow your employer to hijack your life? You seem to be determined to hold yourself back. Even though your post was very long and thorough, I think you may not have come to grips with the base reason why you still keep your job. It could be insecurity (being unsure of yourself, needing supervisory structure, addiction to a routine), a desire to please/not let your employer down, or general submissive tendencies. You should figure out what the root of your concern with leaving your job is and then address that. The job may not be the problem--you may need a fundamental adjustment of belief/personality.
An appropriate step you might take would be to give your employer two weeks' notice and refuse to move from your current office or extend your hours. This is about your own boundaries and well being and no one should be able to dictate that to you.
Give yourself permission to be free.
Just think, the new irrational demands of your employer may be the universe giving you that nudge to get the heck out. How much more can you take, anyway?