I work for a large company.
I hate said company. I have hated my job since the first day (I've been there almost 3 years now!) My values are not aligned with this company, I'm not being challenged, and really just not enjoying myself at all.
Now we're in a position where a significantly large group may go on strike, soon. If so, I'm supposed to go to a different state to fill in during the strike.
This entails
- working 6 days a week, 12 hours shift (72 hours/week!), doing constant typing with very few breaks (bad for my RSI issues! heck, overall bad for anyone!)
- only returning home once every 3 weeks (if I'm lucky, if I'm not in the first group approved to go home, it may be 4 or 5 weeks).
- only going home for the weekend - I will drive about 8 hours on saturday to go home, then 8 hours on sunday to go back.
- they are bringing food into the workplace for lunch/dinner. (we are supposed to have free breakfast at the hotel.) because they are supplying lunch/dinner, we will not be reimbursed... HOWEVER - we were told that they will NOT accommodate vegetarian (or vegan, or kosher, etc.) requests - because "being a vegetarian is a preference, not a dietary restriction". However, if we purchase our own food (remember, I'll be in a hotel, so won't really be able to cook) - we don't get reimbursed.
I find myself very angry at the way I'm being treated (with good cause, I believe.) I already disliked the company, and I'm really hating them now.
I feel stupid - because I knew that I didn't want to work there when I started, yet I stayed. Everytime something bad happened, I stayed. I've been so depressed at times, I "worked from home" by laying bed, staring at the walls, thinking I couldn't possibly get up - yet I stayed.
I absolutely know the best thing for me would be to just finally leave. I feel like the universe is saying to me, "How much more do we have to pile up on top of you before you get it - you don't belong here - would you get out already!"
I know from my reading here, my only reason for staying is fear
I was convinced I would quit, and every single person in my life has told me - "Don't quit! You can't quit! Are you crazy, there are no jobs! What will you do, how will you support yourself? Suck it up, just go... you'll live through it, and then things will be back to normal" (not getting that I already hate normal!)
And - the absolutely INSANE part is - I've been saving, obsessively (because I knew I wanted to quit.) I have enough savings to last at least a year without a job, I'm confident of that. Possibly a few months longer, depending on what types of car/house emergencies come up - but at least a year. That's not counting my 401k money (which obviously, I wouldn't want to withdraw at this point, since it's lost most of it's value... but if I had to take it out today, after penalties, I *think* I could go another 6 months or so on it.)
AND I've started an online class on web marketing. It's great - and I think there's some potential there. It's not my dream job, but the way it's being taught, I can see ways that it could be a good match for me, and it could work. Of course, I haven't had enough time (mostly because of work!) to really dive in - I'm still working on my first website, it's taking my forever.
I want to quit so badly. I was in meetings today, talking about different projects coming up, and all I could think was - if the strike happens and I end up having to leave for that, then *this* is what I have to come back to after - these projects are what will be waiting for me - and I'm dreading them. Not at all interested.
I don't want to be this person
I want to be brave, and confident, and have a brilliant life
I don't want to even be associated with this company.
I keep thinking of Dr. Phil saying something like, "You know the only thing worse than staying in a toxic job for 3 years? Staying there for 3 years and a day..."
Any good advice on dealing with this? Is it utterly crazy to want to quit? In this economy, where job fairs seem to bring thousands of people out? With no real plan other than, "try to get some websites up and right some e-books" ...
Anyone know how to "manifest" this stupid strike not happening, which would at least relieve a little bit of the stress and immediacy?!!?
Thanks for listening, sorry this is long. I really needed to vent to people that I suspect will get it, since I'm surrounded by people who don't understand why any of this is a big deal to me, or how I could possibly be even considering quitting over it!!!
Thanks