I took your first post and re-worded it doing the pronoun switching we did before. But this time I threw in a [not] to stress a point.
Quote:
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It seems to me that all of my personal power left the building as soon as I was faced with singing for people whom I consider powerful. My ability to fill the room with my song and personality was squashed by a fear of being too powerful in front of these people.
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Rewritten:
It seems to me that all of me left me as soon as I was faced with singing for [not] me. My ability to fill me with my song and personality was squashed by a fear of being too powerful in front me.
Remember when we talked about your professors being not you? It looks like you need to consciously tell yourself that the audience you face and the people who are waiting to hear you sing, are you. You may feel a space open up inside if you remind yourself of this before you sing to others.
Quote:
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My father could not stand anyone around him to be more powerful than himself. Any attempt to be centered in my own power (instead of fearful and cowering in his presence) was squashed.
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When I read this I saw "father" as God the father. When you are singing and relaxed you tap into the raw fire that is the root chakra. As you say it, "There is a huge huge huge power running through me". That's the root. When it moves a lot of expansion happens on other levels.
You probably have a polarity set up between you and God. (early religious training?) You said it yourself, "two powerful people cannot exist simultaneously in the same location". And if it's you and God, God wins, he'll knock you down to show you he's the only one allowed to have this awesome power.
When you are practicing, you feel the esence that you are. It's ok because
just you know you're powerful beyond belief. In front of your audience it looks like the story changes, and now, "I (the audience) am seeing me in my power... oh, that's bad, because if I'm powerful, I'll remind all of you, you're not." (because there's only room for one powerful person in your belief structure)
So we've got not seeing others as self and a polarity set up between power and being seen. Let me know if this work for you or not.
It's lunchtime here, so I'm going to post this for now.
