As a sufferer of extreme manic depression I can really identify with you. But there is such good medical help today and you should explore those options.
Suicide must not be the last option, you must abandon that as an option as that will achieve nothing.
Life is a precious gift from God and murdering yourself in my opinion is like spitting into the face of God
Tears come in the nights of sorrow but a new dawn of joy will always happen. Be patient and "learn to love yourself for the very special person your are"
Self hate is the greatest crime