I would suggest letting go of the need to know the right answers, and to allow for the possibility of simply not knowing the right questions to ask. When you're engaged in listening and always trying to figure out what to say next, making an effort to say the right things, the results are not going to be very good because you're only allocating a small part of your attention to the actual listening part.
Instead of thinking about listening as an act of responding with appropriate answers, try thinking of it as providing space for the other person to talk. I'm sure you would get better results by not saying anything than being constantly preoccupied with trying to say the right things. You are then able to focus your attention on what that person is saying instead of focusing on what you're going to say next. And I'm sure that when she says to you that she wants you to "ask her the right questions", what she's really after is that you give her space and undivided attention regardless of what particular words come out of your mouth.
When you do this, you'll find that the answers will come by themselves if any verbal answers are needed in the first place. |