[Dan.Linehan]

I feel really bad about your situation, first off. You are handling things very well, very logically, and not letting any negativity get the best of you, so that's a huge deal just by itself.

I had a long relationship that ended because my partner was not willing to make changes that were needed for us to move forward. Basically, he hated his job, and I mean he really hated it, it was a restaurant management gig, 55-60 hours a week for not a lot of money, but he just wouldn't leave.

Of course, being his partner, and seeing this as an obvious dead end, I wanted him to find other work that didn't consume his life, or even if it did, it consumed him because he loved it.

But he wasn't willing to make that change... and we ended up breaking up over it after 5 years. I don't think it's ethical to hate your work every day, you know?

But I learned a couple things from this:

1. Willingness is a huge deal. He never even showed me he cared enough to get a resume together or talk to me about the issue in any real depth. If he had just been *willing* to so any work towards finding a better career if would have been a huge deal to me. So, be *willing* to make some changes if you want this relationship to work.

2. Long term, we weren't good together anyway. It has taken me over a year to realize this, but it's true, my life is so much better now than it was with him. Don't underestimate your own potential, and how mch energy being in a relationship takes up. I don't think from what you wrote that it's a bad relationship, but just be open to the possibility. He should want to get married (or whatever) just as much as you do. And it doesn't mean its *over* if you two aren't going to be life partners, but keep in mind you can have a great relationship and still not be marriage material.

So... with those things in mind. If the real root of the problem is your weight, which you seem to have isolated everything going back to that (nice sleuthing!) I would just start working out for an hour a day. Don't count calories or go overboard with anything, but do make that commitment. An hour a day for your health and self esteem is worth it regardless. Jog, work on your core, do yoga, whatever, but do it every day, and that's your willingness. That's your willingness to make the relationship work. And let him know up front that you've commited to doing that for yourself and for him, and for a better relationship. His reaction will say a lot, if you can see a huge weight has been lifted from him over the first few weeks you are getting in shape, you'll know that really was the issue.

And if that doesn't work, if there is still a commitment issue on his end, there's no need to get angry about it, it's probably just a good indicator that this isn't the marriage that you really want, even if it seems like it is at the moment.

Hope this helps some, and all the best,