[pyrogen]

The scary part though is that I DON'T have awareness. I've usually known after the fact. After it was pointed out to me. My partner began to feel (I gather) like he was in this weird parallel dimension where he was this awful person. I'd do things that would result in the affinity/trust/closeness in the relationship dropping, then I'd feel lonely and go complain to people and get my closeness needs met that way. I always felt totally justified. I did SO much that was wrong, but am also realizing I've f*ked other people over as well. I would just make the other person the bad guy and leave. My most recent relationship pretty much played out exactly like the one before, with everyone believing my partner is this abusive ******.