Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

funchy · 03-22-2009, 08:42 PM

This woman loves animals. You knew that when you met her. She did not keep it a secret. Of course, she's helping out animals in need here and there. One thing I am sure of is you CANNOT change her. If you force her to get rid of the animals, she'll all always resent you. You need to love all of her (including her hobbies) or you need to move on. Sorry, but I'm an animal person and I gotta tell it like it is.

It sounds like you're not an animal person. Maybe you were raised in a home with no pets or with only one or two (probably outdoor) pets? Nothing wrong with that, but you can't change her to be more like you.

It is absolutely not ok to try to control her and force her with ultimatums. Of course she's going to cry. It hurts when someone you love tries to change you or forces you to give up your passion. It's not a "tantrum". It's a loving woman being told she's got to choose between her pet and her boyfriend, and it's killing her. She cries because she cares.

There is no reason why cats can't live indoors. I have 5 cats, 4 of which are indoors. If she doesn't smell anything but you are bothered by the litterbox, why not just clean it more often ? If you clean it, there should be NO smell. None. I have no help cleaning my boxes, so I ended up buying a few Littermaids which automatically rake out the box after every use and put the nuggets in a closed bin. Male cats must be neutered, and done so early, to prevent them from spray-marking (different than peeing).

If you don't like bird mess, why can't you clean it? Have you considered what'll happen if one day you have kids and the child makes a mess. Will you stand idly by and let the kid sit in a stinky diaper because she's not around right now to clean him for you?

There's no reason why you can't have a bird and also have peace. She suggested a special bird room so the bird doesn't bother you. Your reaction to this great solution was to get in a huff about her planning what kinds of rooms YOUR house was going to have.

Why do you feel you need to control her? If you really don't like this aspect of this woman, I don't intend to sound mean, but why are you with her? Is this really a fulfilling relationship for both of you?

03-22-2009, 08:42 PM	#17 (permalink)
funchy Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: east coast, USA Posts: 1,405	This woman loves animals. You knew that when you met her. She did not keep it a secret. Of course, she's helping out animals in need here and there. One thing I am sure of is you CANNOT change her. If you force her to get rid of the animals, she'll all always resent you. You need to love all of her (including her hobbies) or you need to move on. Sorry, but I'm an animal person and I gotta tell it like it is. It sounds like you're not an animal person. Maybe you were raised in a home with no pets or with only one or two (probably outdoor) pets? Nothing wrong with that, but you can't change her to be more like you. It is absolutely not ok to try to control her and force her with ultimatums. Of course she's going to cry. It hurts when someone you love tries to change you or forces you to give up your passion. It's not a "tantrum". It's a loving woman being told she's got to choose between her pet and her boyfriend, and it's killing her. She cries because she cares. There is no reason why cats can't live indoors. I have 5 cats, 4 of which are indoors. If she doesn't smell anything but you are bothered by the litterbox, why not just clean it more often ? If you clean it, there should be NO smell. None. I have no help cleaning my boxes, so I ended up buying a few Littermaids which automatically rake out the box after every use and put the nuggets in a closed bin. Male cats must be neutered, and done so early, to prevent them from spray-marking (different than peeing). If you don't like bird mess, why can't you clean it? Have you considered what'll happen if one day you have kids and the child makes a mess. Will you stand idly by and let the kid sit in a stinky diaper because she's not around right now to clean him for you? There's no reason why you can't have a bird and also have peace. She suggested a special bird room so the bird doesn't bother you. Your reaction to this great solution was to get in a huff about her planning what kinds of rooms YOUR house was going to have. Why do you feel you need to control her? If you really don't like this aspect of this woman, I don't intend to sound mean, but why are you with her? Is this really a fulfilling relationship for both of you?