Originally Posted by Emaaki
I placed millions of very high expectations on myself per day for a very long time. I forced all of these things. including forcing positive thinking and trying to never have another negative thought again, cos the book said it was possible. I was extremely hard on myself for a very long time, and i thought to get out of the mess, i should just try to reach my expectations.
mentally, i am the biggest mess you will ever find. My life is the biggest mess you will find. I am the biggest mess you will find. i hate myself with the passion. I AM EXTREMELY HATEFUL, and no, I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXCEPT THIS PERSON. I am complete and utter failure.
NO POSITIVE THOUGHTS WIL NEVER HELP. I am just ready to die. NOW. I AM NOT WORTH ANYTHING ANYMORE
I see, I do believe positive thinking is a pile of crap, the real world isn't as nice as what we would like to think, and those books were sold to delude people into believing in a power that does not exist.
I'm sorry for not being able to reach you back then, but rejoice, you can change, not into a positive thinking person, but to a person who thinks.
You are not a failure, you just made a realization of the truth. Don't be afraid, to accept reality as what you see it with your eyes.
You gain experience via hardship and failures, that's how the world works. The secret to overcome that is to learn from other people's mistake in order to move forward without having to make that mistake.
I ask you to talk and post more here and vent out as much as you want or pm me, I do believe I can give your closure. But I doubt I can post such things here. Since this is a forum for believers.
Do not be afraid to accept who you have become, and who you will become. You are who you are for the things you've experienced and once you've overcome this hurdle you will become better.
This is just a stumbling block in the thing we call life.
Do not give up. (you don't have to think positive to move forward) You can be angry, hit some pillows or destroy some things. If you can channel that energy into the physical world, instead to yourself, you will be able to release some frustration in a positive manner.