Farryn, I know that you might think that I don't 'get it', but I am a man and so is my boyfriend and I definitely do get it. I've also been the one lying in bed in terrible anguish wondering what it says about me, wondering why he can't spend that same energy and arousal on me, feeling the pressure to be more beautiful, more willing, more ... just more. I also went through the exact stages you're going through right now, pretending to be OK with it and eventually indeed becoming OK with it. Unfortunately however, after I accepted that, for me there was just a sadness left; the sadness of living with a partner with who was unable to fully share his sexuality with me.
Eventually I started reading a book I had bought a couple of years ago and had never taken the trouble of opening. It was 'White Hero, Black Beast' and as I started reading it all the pieces of the puzzle started falling into place.
After reading the book I realized that it wasn't my boyfriend that was the problem, it were his and my social programming that caused things to not go as we wanted them to go. The fact is that you're battling against major social indoctrination that is holding the both of you back! You probably have no idea how major it is and how deeply rooted it is in both of your lives and that's a really, really difficult truth, but it's true and inevitable. If you want to truly solve this you will have to get to the core of those beliefs and resolve them and that's a tough thing to do.
If you want to keep fighting it, I applaud you for it, if you are willing to accept it, I envy you for it. In the mean time, please trust me, your partner is having just as much trouble with all of this as you are. There's a wall between you two and you see one side of the wall, he sees the other, but it's no use blaming him for the existence of the wall. He wants to tear it down just as much as you do, it's just that neither of you knows how to do it.  |