[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Farryn

I don't see how men and women are that different sexually - that men have some need to release their sexual energy in ways that are demeaning to women but women don't need to do that to men. It angers me.

They aren't. Plenty of women have a similar need to relieve themselves sexually and aren't above using fantasizing to heighten arousal in the absence of a partner. Have you ever read a romance novel? Sure, it works differently, because men and women are different, sexually, but the essential mechanic is the same. And by that same token, plenty of men do not view porn or fantasize.

I think that the men and women who happen to both like watching porn have less problems watching it together. If that's not for you, then it's not for you.

Originally Posted by Farryn

I've been happy for the most part but sometimes it's a bit of a fight with myself.

That sounds like the crux of the problem.

Originally Posted by Farryn

Now I keep wondering: If he cares about me and sees how much it hurts me, shouldn't he stop watching it??

So that he ends up fighting himself and being forced to constantly choose between you and his porn? I would offer this question as a different perspective: why shouldn't you start watching it because you care about him?

I want to hasten to add that I'm definitely not suggesting it, but it's an equally valid question.

Originally Posted by Farryn

Are some women okay with watching porn with their men?? I'm sure there are... But I wonder if it's because they are trying to please the man or if they actually enjoy watching it. I see porn as objectifying women, but maybe other women don't see it that way??

In some of the cases I've heard of, the man was treated to some bits he had neither expected nor really wanted to see.

Does porn objectify people? Yes, of course it does. The purpose of pornography is to increase the arousal of its viewers. People are generally not aroused by the nuances of legal strategy, even if it offers an in-depth view of people. Arousal stems from sexual display, imagined or real.

There is, for instance, an incredible amount of gay porn on the Internet. Does it objectify women? That's a really hard case to make. Standard hetero porn objectifies the men as much as the women: the men typically don't even have names. Is it really the women being demeaned?

Porn is a lens. When you watch it, people become sexual creatures, interested only in sex of one kind or another. Other details are either props or irrelevant. You put it on, you take it off.

I say this because the problem you seem to be facing does not appear to be the porn itself, but the way you look at it. I went and found this on Wikipedia:

Pornography - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia