I have two distinct thoughts to offer on the subject of confidence.
The first is an explanation of my own experience. I have always described myself (to myself) as lacking self-confidence. And, I always figured that I'd develop confidence once I dealt with those challenges and character weaknesses that most frequently brought up the experience of being something other than confident.
Over the past year, I have begun developing the experience of feeling confident. At first, I attributed this to addressing and transcending--to varying degrees--with some of those challenges. What I have since realized is that my experience of confidence is not coming from overcoming those challenges, but talking about them.
As a personal coach, I must be clear about what my own challenges are, and often draw upon experiences both being challenged and overcoming challenge in order to relate to my clients. The more I have been able to do so, the more I have described myself as confident.
I now no longer believe that confidence comes from a lack of self-doubt, but simply acceptance of what those doubts are, and freely sharing them. I'm not in a position that I'll share what my challenges are (in appropriate situations) with pretty much anyone. I am able to do that because I am over the fear of their judgment of me for having those challenges. I'll tell you what's up for me, and where my own self-doubt and judgments lie, and you can judge me as you wish. Or not. It has become largely irrelevant to me how others see me because of those weaknesses.
Essentially, I have found my confidence by being invulnerable in my vulnerability.
Next, a question for you, dalante. How are you with keeping agreements? By this, I mean, how frequently do you not follow through on the things that you say you are going to do? And, this applies not only to how you keep agreements with others, but more particularly, how do you keep agreements with yourself?
I believe that confidence is firmly grounded in the concept of keeping agreements. When you say, "If I set a goal, I start to doubt" my first thought is that it may be because you don't trust yourself to follow through on the goal. It is less about the goal itself, and perhaps more about your tendency to deliver on what you have promised yourself.
I can't say that keeping agreements is the foundation to confidence for everyone, but it certainly has been a significant understanding and experience for me and my clients.  |