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Old 03-16-2009, 11:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
jaamkie
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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no offense, but reading OP I can imagine hearing this and feeling personally attacked by interpreting a subtext of "your pets are nasty and embarassing and you are disgusting too for living this way". I think you should completely leave out commentary of other people and your embarassment, and focus on your own preferences- it is always hurtful to imply that you care more about what other people think than how your partner feels about a decision.

Along with not bringing in secondhand ammunition, try to come up with reasonable suggestions for changes- instead of bitching about the smell, offer to clean the litterboxes more often and/or buy more of them and/or improve ventilation around the boxes (and I agree with your gf, and most vets, that the cats should not be sent outside).

It is also probably just different upbringing and assumptions about what is "normal", so you need to try to understand that to her this seems perfectly acceptable and average, not "disgusting". As a child, my family cat used to sleep on the dinng table in the sun- we would pluck her off the table, brush off the hair, and set the table for dinner, never thinking a thing of it. If someone approached me rationally explaining their difference of opinion, I'd try to accomodate by offering to use an antibacterial to clean the table before meals, or keep a closed-door "cat-free" room for the other person, but if someone I loved told me I was "disgusting" for living the way I lived, I would get emotional and defend myself and we'd get nowhere. (Assuming you eat meat), imagine your reaction if your girlfriend started railing aganst hamburgers as a disgusting putrid burnt dead body- you'd be offended and defensive and probably go out of your way to wave it in her face and declare it delicious. On the other hand if she was really nauseated by you chomping dead animals, and asked to eat separately and for you to use opaque containers for your meat in the fridge, perhaps you'd try to accomodate her sensitivities a bit?
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