[Nikos Sokin]

Poster above had a very good point I wanted to reemphasize: if you hate your roommates, I'm sure they can feel some of that! You don't need to be friends, and I'm assuming you don't share rooms with them, just a suite (which is more challenging--but think of Chinese students who share rooms with 4-6 bunks!).

Your room is your retreat from the world, it's your basic escape. If it's not a refuge, that's an additional challenge in your life. You don't need that. Interestingly, this applies to your roommates as well--you can make their lives less satisfying too. If they are not specifically going out of the way to make your life more difficult, try this approach next semester:

- focus on what you need to get done academically at the library,
- when you get home simply acknowledge them with a simple hi, then go back to your life
- once every week or so, for those roommates you think it might be possible, have a short conversation with. who the heck are they and why on earth are they so different from you? what do they care about? do you have *any* common interests? Note that this is a diplomatic move. You may not give a damn, esp at first, but the truth is, you might be stuck with them for a while, so any positive relationship you create, even if minute, can help smooth future encounters
- generally when they are roommate issues about who isn't contributing, who isn't cleaning, paying for this--aim to be less petty. make sure you feel it's ok if you do a bit more than the others on issues in which you care more.

Ah yes, don't pick up the phone each time dad calls. Tell him afterwards you were studying and are having difficulties concentrating. But call him once a week and let him know how you are. If he is babying you, that's his problem too, he's having problems letting go. Parenting isn't easy either. I'm not sure he cares so much whether you're eating your veggies, he's just having issues with the fact that he is no longer able to do much to help you along. It's up to you now. Veggies are a concrete checkmark item he can ask about. But if he really wants to check in on the same facts each time, you can either talk to him about it (Dad I know you are anxious about how I am doing at school, but the fact that you call me 3x a day tells me you don't trust me to go at this by myself) or heck, send him an Excel sheet with the checkmark list for the week. Veggies? check Teeth brushed? check If he can't see the humour in that, at least you are communicating the pieces of info he is looking for. It's more efficient and less anxiety producing that way too. Sometimes you have to humour the parents even if they don't know what's best for you.

Tell him you are working hard at increasing your concentration and so you

Good luck!

n