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Pixiesparkles6 · 03-14-2009, 12:03 PM

Hi all
Im just going to give a brief account of what is going on as Im looking for anyone whos been through this.

Ok this is my second marriage and so Im devastated that things are going wrong. Or maybe they were never right?!

A week ago I reached what I can only decribe as my breaking point or maybe awakening as I feel like Ive been absent in my life and am looking round going "wtf" at everything I see.

My husband and I rarely talk, hes always on the computer from the time he gets home to the time he watches a bit of tv and then passes out from the two bottles of red wine or cider that he drinks every night without fail.

There are times when we sit and have a chat or watch a movie but it always seems to be on his terms.
I feel in a word suffocated and like Im wasting my life, I dont understand my emotions as a week ago I seemed fine with things?

Throughout our relationship he has hit me, punched me( he punched me in the head whilst I was holding our baby because Id gone out for a couple hours to a christian meeting in preparation for our baby christening that Sunday, he said if I respected him and loved him I wouldnt go out somewhere he didnt like. He was very drunk and this was three night after we got married) thrown batteries at me, thrown wine at me, grabbed me by my throat and dragged me on the stairs.

He, when he was very drunk, threatened to kill me and removes the tv card and phone line when Im being 'cheeky'.

Now your all prob thinking what a ****! she needs to leave or something but it hasnt all happened all at once like that and this is over a number of years with 'good' times inbetween. Its just that all of a sudden I can see myself and I see him as selfish even though hes the breadwinner and a good father to my two children, one from previous marriage.

He seems to be supportive but day to day he nags that im not good enough that im not a real woman, cooking cleaning and doing his laundry on time.(he gives me his work clothes at 9pm sometimes and says he needs them for the next day)
I am totally dependant on him for money, transport(I cant drive yet, gave up money so we could do our kitchen) and as we moved to where we could afford a home of our own I now have no family or friends near.

I have been to the docs recently and they say im clinically depressed and have arranged a psycho-analyst to assess me. This is what happenend last year but I never went back to the docs as they wanted to see my husband in order to help me but he wouldnt go and said more or less I need to get a grip as its embarrasing.

The last violent episode happened in Oct 08-last year. He dragged me by my throat onto the stairs in front of my kids. I made him leave but he promised to address his anger issue and be a better husband and stop drinking but he hasnt.
Thing is because he hasnt been violent I feel like im making something out of nothing and am just doing the grass is greener thing??

I am 26 years old 27 this year and feel a failure, weak and an awful mother!!I feel that it is too late to start again and that my youth is gone and that no one is going to want me as a friend let alone maybe a partner(to be honest Im not really interested in romance at the mo my head cant take it) I feel like ive wasted my life and its all downhill.

I know this seems long but really this is only part of my story and this is about as brief as it gets.
Any advice or help greatly appreciated but no haters as i already do that enough and its taken me all my will power not to delete this!!

03-14-2009, 12:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Pixiesparkles6 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 11	Abusive marriage??? Hi all Im just going to give a brief account of what is going on as Im looking for anyone whos been through this. Ok this is my second marriage and so Im devastated that things are going wrong. Or maybe they were never right?! A week ago I reached what I can only decribe as my breaking point or maybe awakening as I feel like Ive been absent in my life and am looking round going "wtf" at everything I see. My husband and I rarely talk, hes always on the computer from the time he gets home to the time he watches a bit of tv and then passes out from the two bottles of red wine or cider that he drinks every night without fail. There are times when we sit and have a chat or watch a movie but it always seems to be on his terms. I feel in a word suffocated and like Im wasting my life, I dont understand my emotions as a week ago I seemed fine with things? Throughout our relationship he has hit me, punched me( he punched me in the head whilst I was holding our baby because Id gone out for a couple hours to a christian meeting in preparation for our baby christening that Sunday, he said if I respected him and loved him I wouldnt go out somewhere he didnt like. He was very drunk and this was three night after we got married) thrown batteries at me, thrown wine at me, grabbed me by my throat and dragged me on the stairs. He, when he was very drunk, threatened to kill me and removes the tv card and phone line when Im being 'cheeky'. Now your all prob thinking what a ****! she needs to leave or something but it hasnt all happened all at once like that and this is over a number of years with 'good' times inbetween. Its just that all of a sudden I can see myself and I see him as selfish even though hes the breadwinner and a good father to my two children, one from previous marriage. He seems to be supportive but day to day he nags that im not good enough that im not a real woman, cooking cleaning and doing his laundry on time.(he gives me his work clothes at 9pm sometimes and says he needs them for the next day) I am totally dependant on him for money, transport(I cant drive yet, gave up money so we could do our kitchen) and as we moved to where we could afford a home of our own I now have no family or friends near. I have been to the docs recently and they say im clinically depressed and have arranged a psycho-analyst to assess me. This is what happenend last year but I never went back to the docs as they wanted to see my husband in order to help me but he wouldnt go and said more or less I need to get a grip as its embarrasing. The last violent episode happened in Oct 08-last year. He dragged me by my throat onto the stairs in front of my kids. I made him leave but he promised to address his anger issue and be a better husband and stop drinking but he hasnt. Thing is because he hasnt been violent I feel like im making something out of nothing and am just doing the grass is greener thing?? I am 26 years old 27 this year and feel a failure, weak and an awful mother!!I feel that it is too late to start again and that my youth is gone and that no one is going to want me as a friend let alone maybe a partner(to be honest Im not really interested in romance at the mo my head cant take it) I feel like ive wasted my life and its all downhill. I know this seems long but really this is only part of my story and this is about as brief as it gets. Any advice or help greatly appreciated but no haters as i already do that enough and its taken me all my will power not to delete this!!