I'm sorry you feel this way about us. I'm black and I never felt this way about myself or other black women, regardless to whether they were light, medium, or dark skin toned.
I don't know what to say, I'm utterly shocked.
I hope that you will be able to look in the mirror and recognize the beautiful woman looking back at you one day very soon. Until you do, you will not emanate that into the ether, and you will attract the very thoughts to you that you currently hold.
I believe this is also true for how you see black women's attitudes/acceptance of you. You admitted you "almost actually hate" them. Well...if that's true, then how do you expect to see an improvement in how they handle you? Once you begin to embrace beauty in yourself and everyone, you will no longer experience disappointment in how they respond to you.
ETA: my hair is beautiful!