Hi Erin, strange timing for me too, and also that the first post, from Daniel, was about a cat. (Daniel - my sympathy to you.) I just lost my cat this week also, and I had tried so hard to keep her going, through conventional medical means, alternative methods, supplements, love, visualization, affirmations, trying to communicate with her through meditation, and so on. I actually was kind of surprised that with all this effort, she still crashed so bad this week.
Some days before that, I had done some of the things suggested to me here on the board, one of which was to give her permission to leave if she wanted to. Much of the time she still felt really good, but there was a fair bit of lethargy that let me know she just wasn't doing all that great. One night as we sat on the couch, I talked with her and told her if she really wanted to go, she could, that I would miss her terribly and didn't want her to go, but she could if she wanted to.
It seemed like the next week she felt worse than usual some of the time. She started pooping in the living room instead of going to her box in the basement. I thought I must have done the wrong thing by telling her she was free to go, and I started begging her to stay, showering her with love. One thing I had been doing during my insomnia times was going into an alpha meditation where I'd walk down 100 stairs to a beach with her. This time when I tried it, she stopped about halfway down and wouldn't continue. She said matter-of-factly, "I'm tired."
I had her at the vet's overnight after she went downhill all of a sudden, and they were going to try to continue to bring her around the next day, but when they called in the morning, we talked and I told them we should go ahead and put her to sleep. I raced over there and spent about five minutes alone with her in an exam room. I had actually said goodbye to her the night before in case she didn't make it through the night, and said everything I wanted to say.
Now I didn't know what more to say, but I went in case she would find any comfort from my presence. I talked to her and scratched her head, and sometimes she would relax but then she would struggle and try to get up. She had trouble breathing and it was so awful for me to see the fighting she was doing. I opened the door and told the vet techs it was time.
Then they didn't come in right away. I was getting aggravated because they didn't come in right away, and my cat continued to struggle while I tried to get her to relax. I didn't know what to do anymore. Finally I said to her, "You can go. I love you, but you can go."
Within about 30 seconds she went into a very big stretch, stretching out her front legs and stretching her head back, just like a cat stretch. Then it looked to me like it wasn't a stretch but a seizure. I sprinted back to the door and told them she was seizing, then raced back to the table. She relaxed from this stretch and stopped breathing.
I don't even know if it was a seizure or a big stretch of release, but it was so incredibly weird for me to tell her she could go, and off she went.
Later I talked on the phone with her vet for quite some time and told her how it all happened. I said I think they need to hear these anecdotal stories so they can process them and determine how valid this phenomenon is. The vet said she's certain they're valid, and that this sort of thing happens all the time. She said she assumed my cat was waiting for me to come that morning before departing. And the cat fought and fought right up until I gave her permission to let go.
Shelley
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