I'm probably the LAST person to give relationship advice.
But Steve has great articles in the archives... and here's a
video that sure made me think a lot after my last painful break-up.
But the only real help I think I can offer is just to say that I'm a stranger who read and was touched by your post. I've been through relationship pain too, and so I just wanted to let you know that I empathize and hope you'll find your way through.
Take care (and warm hugs!)...