This is about you, not your boyfriend.
When you see your boyfriend looking at porn, you think:
I absolutely hate it.
It makes me feel wretched and undesirable.
I HATE feeling like my looks are the most important thing about me.
I hate living in a society where looks and sexual satisfaction take priority over real people and real feelings.
I hate it that I feel pressured to be beautiful all the time.
I hate feeling like I'm not enough for him.
It breaks my heart that so many women have to deal with this issue.
I hate it that women are seen as objects.
I hate it that women have to accept this dynamic every day.
[porn] makes me feel bad about myself, our society, and it makes me feel sorry for women.
The porn just reminds you that
you are the one pressuring you to be beautiful all the time, that you see yourself as an object, that you feel you're not enough, that you do this to yourself everyday and you hate it but you see no other way of doing it.
And the more you hold it in, the more pressurized you get and later blow up at your boyfriend.
Yeah, you need to practice acceptance of self. Can you look in the mirror and say "I love me, now"? That might be something to practice even if it sounds corny. A lot of your focus is on what you're not, not what you are.
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they said, it doesn't have anything to do with me or with how he feels about me. It doesn't mean that he doens't think I'm beautiful.
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Absolutely! Do you ask him to tell you how beautiful you are? (What? You shouldn't have to ask? Get over that one.
If he doesn't tell you that means you don't want to go there. )
Do a reality check with him: "Hey boyfriend, I feel like I'm not beautiful enough when you look at porn. Does looking at porn mean you don't think I'm beautiful?" It doesn't have to be a big thing... if you think he might be sensitive since the argument with him, tell him your working on this issue and you need to do a reality check for yourself.