[Dharma]

From the OP I see:
polarity
"I was out (of my box) and "I dont normally go out (of my box)""
unconsciousness (alcohol)
guilt
the past
choice for continued relationship
honesty
fear of loss
fear of the future

And everyone else's comments add these types of things:
she will find out (future)
angry girlfriend (future)
she will break up with me (future)
right/wrong polarity
a conflict (future)
you've hurt her (future)
not telling now leads to more future bad behavior (future)
you've already lost her (future)
assumption that guilt is forever (future)
posing a different question (distraction)
the idea of repentance
the idea of being a man
the idea of love
the idea of trust
the idea of other people
the idea of responsibility, accountability, and commitment

Ok Boston, none of this helps you... it muddies the water so you won't get to the real stuff. All the posters that have chimed in are reflections of you and what they write are pretty much what is going on in your head, albeit slightly below the surface.

First things first. You are in the future A LOT. Take a breath and see what's happening inside you now. It's like you are thinking of all these future possibilites to brace yourself for the inevitable. It is also keeping you from being in the moment and experiencing yourself.

Also note you have a lot of definitions ("idea of") of things that are probably not what you think they are. Those further throw you in a box to not let you experience yourself during this dilemma.

All this is your programming... something which we'll try not to stimulate anymore and maybe try to move you in a different direction than blame and self-hatred. This isn't about the girl, it's about you.

Recently I was out (I dont normally go out, but was hanging with friends I hadnt seen in a long time.) got to drinking. I ended up drinking too much and ended up doing something with someone else that will haunt me for a very long time.

So you're saying recently you stepped outside of what you normally do and went out drinking with friends. And you really stretched the limits of the picture of how you see yourself and did something which you're ashamed of doing. You didn't specify, but I'm guessing sex with another girl.

So getting closer to the bottom line, you're saying:
When I step out of my box I don't want to see what I'm creating. The only way I can expand who I am is through unconsciousness (alcohol). And after I've looked at what I've created, I go into shame and the future.

Shame is creating something and then saying I ought not have done that.

We are the creators of all our experience. This is where I'm coming from with my comments.

So, the first step, if you wish to follow my line of thinking is to own everything you're creating:

I am creating expansion of self
I am creating unconsciousness
I am creating sex with a girl
I am creating shame and guilt
I am creating fear of loss (of the girlfriend)
I am creating fear of the future
I am creating the choice for continued relationship

In my first post on this thread I mentioned the fear of loss of your girlfriend was the thing your should be looking at. I mean, right now you are steeped in that fear. It's time to address it.

What do you think will happen if you lose the girlfriend?