[Farryn]

I'm sorry but this is going to be a muddled and long post because I'm really upset right now while I'm writing it:

I just discovered that my boyfriend looks at internet porn, and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel wretched and undesirable.

I HATE feeling like my looks are the most important thing about me. I hate living in a society where looks and sexual satisfaction take priority over real people and real feelings. I hate it that I feel pressured to be beautiful all the time. I hate feeling like I'm not enough for him. It breaks my heart that so many women have to deal with this issue. I hate it that women are seen as objects, and I hate it that women have to accept this dynamic every day.

I was going to break up with my boyfriend over this but girlfriends and family reminded me that all men look at porn and that I should just accept it. Because, they said, it doesn't have anything to do with me or with how he feels about me. It doesn't mean that he doens't think I'm beautiful.

So fine. I decided to try to spice things up for him that night (assuming that I wasn't enough previously)... but I ended up drinking too much wine and getting really upset. Then he was thinking about breaking up with ME because I got very upset and wasn't very nice to him.

Where do I go from here? I don't like porn. It makes me feel bad about myself, our society, and it makes me feel sorry for women. But I'm reading the Power of Now right now and maybe I'm just supposed to accept what IS and not fight my current situation. Maybe it's not a big deal that he looks at porn. I ended up telling him that I didn't mind that he watches it but I DO!! Now I feel like I can't bring it up... He wants us to both focus on finding happiness outside of the relationship because of this (with friends etc) so that this sort of thing won't be such a big deal and make me so unhappy.

What the heck? Shouldn't porn be left out of relationships (watching it by yoruself, I mean)?? or is that too much to ask?? Or am I just way too insecure?