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Ralph · 03-10-2009, 02:52 PM

@Majesticzero

I am so, sooo sorry to bring it down to you the way it is, but I think you deserve to know

A year ago I've been in position where I'd rank all my areas of my life at 6-9, except the social that was oscillating between 0 and 1. It took me a large amount of calibrating to finally get it right now.

I can tell you right now - the answer is not in any book you read about social skills. Read two or three philosophies (would take you no longer than 10-20h to soak it up fully) and then DON'T READ anything else at all.

If you want to improve, you need to go out and calibrate. Put yourself in the most challenging social situations that you could imagine. Spend as much time talking with people as possible. YES it is going to be awkward. And there will be embarassing moments of silence. If you are to learn it, you're going to experience a lot of it.

The path of social improvement is a very rewarding one, but certainly a painful one. The calibration has to happen, and the more often you step out of your comfort zone, the faster you'll calibrate.

A year ago I had no idea how to keep a conversation going. Right now I'm at the point where I can sense how interested the other person is, how involving the topic is and I can sense exactly when the topic is going to end, so I know I have to think of something else to relate to. I can read the body language veeery well, and books have little to do with it. I've just developed a habit of watching people everywhere.

I've read over 30 books on this subject, and they gave me less than 10% of the skills at most. 90+% is calibration. And of those 30 books, Tony Robbins and Steve Pavlina helped most. Zan Perrion was particularly helpful about women.

Books, no calibration = big fail.
No books, lots of calibration = success.
Lots of books and calibration = inefficient, but successful approach
A few books and calibration = splendid success.

So, unsubscribe to this thread, go out and CALIBRATE!

Ralph

PS. Just a lil' tip - stay away from the topics that you're most familiar about - whether it be school events, music, sports and such. In order to calibrate well you need to learn the oh-so-useful ability of talking about everything and nothing with everyone. It's still a challenge to me but I've seen and experienced it work and it's worth it. THIS is a true conversation mastery, so you might as well aim to calibrate at it directly by avoiding easy topics.

03-10-2009, 02:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ralph Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 341	@Majesticzero I am so, sooo sorry to bring it down to you the way it is, but I think you deserve to know A year ago I've been in position where I'd rank all my areas of my life at 6-9, except the social that was oscillating between 0 and 1. It took me a large amount of calibrating to finally get it right now. I can tell you right now - the answer is not in any book you read about social skills. Read two or three philosophies (would take you no longer than 10-20h to soak it up fully) and then DON'T READ anything else at all. If you want to improve, you need to go out and calibrate. Put yourself in the most challenging social situations that you could imagine. Spend as much time talking with people as possible. YES it is going to be awkward. And there will be embarassing moments of silence. If you are to learn it, you're going to experience a lot of it. The path of social improvement is a very rewarding one, but certainly a painful one. The calibration has to happen, and the more often you step out of your comfort zone, the faster you'll calibrate. A year ago I had no idea how to keep a conversation going. Right now I'm at the point where I can sense how interested the other person is, how involving the topic is and I can sense exactly when the topic is going to end, so I know I have to think of something else to relate to. I can read the body language veeery well, and books have little to do with it. I've just developed a habit of watching people everywhere. I've read over 30 books on this subject, and they gave me less than 10% of the skills at most. 90+% is calibration. And of those 30 books, Tony Robbins and Steve Pavlina helped most. Zan Perrion was particularly helpful about women. Books, no calibration = big fail. No books, lots of calibration = success. Lots of books and calibration = inefficient, but successful approach A few books and calibration = splendid success. So, unsubscribe to this thread, go out and CALIBRATE! Ralph PS. Just a lil' tip - stay away from the topics that you're most familiar about - whether it be school events, music, sports and such. In order to calibrate well you need to learn the oh-so-useful ability of talking about everything and nothing with everyone. It's still a challenge to me but I've seen and experienced it work and it's worth it. THIS is a true conversation mastery, so you might as well aim to calibrate at it directly by avoiding easy topics. __________________ Ralphdudek.com - Consciously Pursuing Your Heart's Desire Extreme caution advised! Entering may result in intense growth! Last edited by Ralph; 03-10-2009 at 02:54 PM.