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RT Wolf · 03-10-2009, 02:19 AM

Your first post indicates that you've already put her on a pedestal, somehow above you. It sounds like you feel that she's going to do the choosing and you don't have any of the power or value in the interaction. That it's all in her hands now. So, you're going to try to please her in some way that she'll go out with you.

That doesn't have to be the case. You're both people and you want to interact with her. You have something of value to offer (yourself) and so does she. So, relax. Consider this: would you feel anxious if you approaching someone less attractive? How about someone of the same sex? Would you feel anxious if there was no sexual/romantic interest? If no to the previous ones, why is she different?

Relax, this doesn't have to be a big deal. Just go up and say "Hi, how do you like this class so far?" I ask this sorta question all the time. She may not wanna talk to you, but you don't have to take that personally cause it's not relaly about you, it's about her if she doesn't wanna talk to you. I talked to three strangers today (one girl, two guys). One guy was cool and I enjoyed our conversation, the girl I've talked to before so that was pretty cool and the last guy was on the bus and he just pulled our his blackberry. He just was not interested in having a conversation. Maybe he felt intimidated or thought it was weird to talk to strangers or something. Point is, this girl might just be someone who doesn't do well with strangers.

If you're feeling like this is too much, try talking to random people in you class, those you feel a little anxious approaching, but not too much. After getting used to that level, you'll find it much easier to approach someone a bit more anxiety producing but it'll feel like less. For example, say talking to girl 1 made you feel like a 7 of anxiety. Girl 2 makes you feel a 3. You can only do a 2 comforably rihgt now, so you start by talking to the girl 2. The thing is, though, when get used the level 3, the level 7 will feel like level 6, only three points up from where you currently are. I hope that was clear.

03-10-2009, 02:19 AM	#12 (permalink)
RT Wolf Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Toronto, Canuckland Posts: 1,737	Your first post indicates that you've already put her on a pedestal, somehow above you. It sounds like you feel that she's going to do the choosing and you don't have any of the power or value in the interaction. That it's all in her hands now. So, you're going to try to please her in some way that she'll go out with you. That doesn't have to be the case. You're both people and you want to interact with her. You have something of value to offer (yourself) and so does she. So, relax. Consider this: would you feel anxious if you approaching someone less attractive? How about someone of the same sex? Would you feel anxious if there was no sexual/romantic interest? If no to the previous ones, why is she different? Relax, this doesn't have to be a big deal. Just go up and say "Hi, how do you like this class so far?" I ask this sorta question all the time. She may not wanna talk to you, but you don't have to take that personally cause it's not relaly about you, it's about her if she doesn't wanna talk to you. I talked to three strangers today (one girl, two guys). One guy was cool and I enjoyed our conversation, the girl I've talked to before so that was pretty cool and the last guy was on the bus and he just pulled our his blackberry. He just was not interested in having a conversation. Maybe he felt intimidated or thought it was weird to talk to strangers or something. Point is, this girl might just be someone who doesn't do well with strangers. If you're feeling like this is too much, try talking to random people in you class, those you feel a little anxious approaching, but not too much. After getting used to that level, you'll find it much easier to approach someone a bit more anxiety producing but it'll feel like less. For example, say talking to girl 1 made you feel like a 7 of anxiety. Girl 2 makes you feel a 3. You can only do a 2 comforably rihgt now, so you start by talking to the girl 2. The thing is, though, when get used the level 3, the level 7 will feel like level 6, only three points up from where you currently are. I hope that was clear. Last edited by RT Wolf; 03-10-2009 at 02:22 AM.