[pyrogen]

When I was in my relationship, and planning to break up, I was toying with the idea of being poly. I had generalized my issues with the relationship to "the world" in general, simply because he was the second person I lived with who had these same kind of hang-ups. I was sure that all monogamous relationships were like this.

He and I were so totally incompatible that there was no way I could get even a quarter of my needs met without outsourcing them to someone else outside of the relationship.

I also had become very socially isolated and cut-off and he had a concept of how to behave in a relationship that I'm completely unable to live with - basically, you are not supposed to have any confidantes or spend significant time with anyone else. Going to an organized group is ok. A one hour lunch is ok.

Your other relationships are supposed to be very shallow. And nobody else is ever to touch you in any way. I'm a person who previously lived cradled in a very strong network of very close same-sex friends who were physically (non sexually) affectionate. We would brush/braid each other's hair, give shoulder rubs, be huggy, walk arm-in-arm, etc. This does not seem so weird for same-sex friends if you look at how women act in other countries, such as Southern Europe. In other cultures it's common for heterosexual women to hold hands. This is what my friends were like.

The issue of not being able to have any other person but him in my circle of confidantes/intimates is ultimately why I broke up with him. But while IN the relationship, I generalized my issue and thought I needed to be poly.

Now that I've left that relationship behind I definitely feel monogamous.

GO figure?! Why does it look different now as a single person?

I wanted to be poly in my last relationship, too, after a point... generally speaking by the time I've wanted to "open" my former relationships the relationship was usually on its way down the tubes.