Insomnia kicked in hard tonight.Anyway.
I hadn't spoken to her for about a month before December, when I had requested that she gives back something that I had given to her as we had agreed. She insisted that we talk and become friends. And so I did, and I made an effort but she started playing games again, telling me she's busy and making me have to make an effort so I just explained that I'm not up for it if it's not mutual. Not to mention I did not get back what I asked for even though she said she would give it back. I just told her to keep it. It became a back and forth thing and I got tired of it.
I haven't spoken to her since. So it's been well over two months.
This may sound contradictory but, I am at peace with myself. Well I was until tonight. I've been doing good, learning about people, girls in particular and just living my life. The thought that I gave in so much into the relationship at her request for her to do what she did is always at the back of my mind every time I talk to a girl. So I end up shooting myself in the foot before it can go anywhere sometimes. I guess I feel like what's the point, she'll just turn out the same way. But at the same time until tonight I haven't been worried or sad @ all. I've been happy and felt like I have progressed. Truth is when I really sit down and think about it, she wasn't good for me, and chances are she won't change for a while if ever. I think mostly because of her age. I've been trying to practice LOA, and it's so effective and responsive it's scary. But since these thoughts are still in me I feel like I can't do much. It's almost 5 months now, I'm just tired of it. I want it gone and in the past. Whether she comes back or not is not my concern anymore.
|