I speak only from my experience, but I don't think you have to want it. I think it's much easier if you want to let go, but wanting is not a requirement.
for the case you speak of....the absolute must in this, I believe, is deciding that no matter what, you ARE letting go. to make a decision and then focus all that determination, fighter spirit and loyalty you have on the decision, and not on the relationship.
and then inhale deeply and remind yourself during any pang of pain, panic or other things that happen when one is getting over a toxic relationship, that this feeling is only temporary. it is only detox. it has to happen before you let go, so it's good that it's happening. talk to yourself like you would to your best friend. the pain isn't weakness or love. it's detoxing the addiction, it's detoxing the fear. as much as you can, focus your loving care on yourself, be loyal to what's good for you in the long run (this would be different from what feels comfortable or pleasant in the short run).
as the feeling eases with time, and it will, I would advise that you turn your focus on positive things, not on that relationship or that man in either positive or negative aspect.
if you want to get out of this place. you seem like you do, but that you're just scared you can't make it.
so I would like to point out that no matter who you are and what you did in your life, you can do this. you can be free. you can get over him.
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