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cnwoods · 03-05-2009, 05:27 PM

I watched my mother struggle with cancer and I couldn't agree more.

I'd been somewhat prepared by an earlier experience as live-in carer for a friend with AIDS, and I saw him get to the point where it was going to be easier for him to let go. His parents, unfortunately, didn't want to let it happen, cried and wailed against it, and in the end decided it was my fault and banned me from the hospice room when they were there. I chose to allow it: if it was what they needed to cope with his passing, I could live with being the scapegoat, and bickering was the last thing he needed around him at the time. I do remember feeling it was a mercy when he did pass on.

My mother got to that same point fairly quickly after she started sliding downhill. With her, though, I'd had the privilege of discussing how she'd let me know she was around afterwards. My grandad is always accompanied by the smell of cigar smoke, my elder sister often brought us shells, so we worked out what her 'sign' was going to be - and at the end I simply told her it was ok to go, and I'd be watching for her first red leaf.

It arrived the next morning, below my balcony, and of a type that wasn't anywhere within streets of my unit. That leaf is now in a frame with a picture of her.

I'm very glad we prearranged our 'sign'. I've seen many leaves sitting squarely in my path, and with no clear way they could have got there, since she passed a couple of years ago. I've also occasionally just felt her watching - and sometimes I'll get the lights or power dip as well (she used to work for an electricity company, so that's kinda appropriate). Even though her body isn't around anymore, in some ways I see her more now than I ever did. And of course I love her still. Always will.

No, death isn't final. Energy is neither created nor destroyed, remember. Walking through a doorway into another room may make children worry about being left behind, but as adults we know it's nothing to worry about. Someday more people will hold the same knowledge about death.

03-05-2009, 05:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
cnwoods Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: NSW, Australia Posts: 48	Mum, Cancer and Red Leaves I watched my mother struggle with cancer and I couldn't agree more. I'd been somewhat prepared by an earlier experience as live-in carer for a friend with AIDS, and I saw him get to the point where it was going to be easier for him to let go. His parents, unfortunately, didn't want to let it happen, cried and wailed against it, and in the end decided it was my fault and banned me from the hospice room when they were there. I chose to allow it: if it was what they needed to cope with his passing, I could live with being the scapegoat, and bickering was the last thing he needed around him at the time. I do remember feeling it was a mercy when he did pass on. My mother got to that same point fairly quickly after she started sliding downhill. With her, though, I'd had the privilege of discussing how she'd let me know she was around afterwards. My grandad is always accompanied by the smell of cigar smoke, my elder sister often brought us shells, so we worked out what her 'sign' was going to be - and at the end I simply told her it was ok to go, and I'd be watching for her first red leaf. It arrived the next morning, below my balcony, and of a type that wasn't anywhere within streets of my unit. That leaf is now in a frame with a picture of her. I'm very glad we prearranged our 'sign'. I've seen many leaves sitting squarely in my path, and with no clear way they could have got there, since she passed a couple of years ago. I've also occasionally just felt her watching - and sometimes I'll get the lights or power dip as well (she used to work for an electricity company, so that's kinda appropriate). Even though her body isn't around anymore, in some ways I see her more now than I ever did. And of course I love her still. Always will. No, death isn't final. Energy is neither created nor destroyed, remember. Walking through a doorway into another room may make children worry about being left behind, but as adults we know it's nothing to worry about. Someday more people will hold the same knowledge about death.