Seems to me that "rules" on either side of the equation can help to cultivate an awareness of self-respect as well as a road-map showing the way to what one really wants, during a stretch when one's intuition and experience are evolving to be better guides. As that evolves, and one can instantly "see" who's a good fit, who's not a good fit...and as one just naturally acts in a self-respecting way and doesn't waste time with those who are on a different vibe...then the rules don't matter in the least.
They seem like a temporary support, or a technique that could be useful at some point on the continuum. But then there are "grades" after that where one learns how to engage without all of that. Rules help find one's way through a foggy mass of prospective partners, while experienced awareness & intuition help one leap more efficiently "boulder-to-boulder" from one good relationship to the next.
Just my take from where I'm looking at things...
