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Originally Posted by The Cloud  The thing is, I don't think the Gremlin is real. I used to, and I know full well how real it can seem, but I'm now convinced that I was wrong. My theory hasn't fully developed yet, so it might not make much sense, but I'll articulate it as best I can.
The Gremlin seems to operate through emotions. It appears to be manipulating how you feel in order to influence your actions, such as making you feel insecure so you have to devalue your step-children. But I think that's inaccurate. I think that the insecure feeling accompanies your actions, but isn't the cause of them. The actions are you, and they come from you, and you are doing them. The Gremlin is just an artifact of your emotions, created from them and of them, and doesn't really have anything to do with your actions.
So you are the one that is doing all the things that you are doing, while blaming your emotional Gremlin for making it hard for you to do the right thing. But in reality the Gremlin may be your best "friend", because it's the one taking all the blame for the actions that you've committed. It can't be killed or undermined or avoided, because it exists only to protect you from responsibility. As long as you act as if it does anything to influence you, it will continue to exist in order to pretend at having influence. But your actions aren't controlled by your emotions, and thus the Gremlin has no power. Your actions are you, all of them. The Gremlin does nothing. |
I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to reply to this, I worked all weekend and just didn't have one minute of spare time.
I'm actually still too busy to address this as thoroughly as wanted, but I did want to say this:
This theory doesn't seem to work well for me. The minute I read it on Saturday morning my thought was "Oh, Clouds right. There is no Gremlin, it's just me acting like the loser that I really am." By Sunday morning, I was feeling really down again. Like there was no point in trying to "tame" the Gremlin, because there wasn't one after all. Just me. And me = loser. I was able to get out of the funk pretty quick because I consciously chose not to believe this particular line of thinking.
I also think that one of the reasons that I was such a prime target to end up in an abusive relationship is simply because I am so good at assuming personal responsibility for everything that happens. I had a hard time standing up for myself because I was certain that it
really was all my fault.
That all being said, I know the actions are coming from me, but the
actions are not really the problem. My actions are viewed by most everyone as being "perfect." I am perceived by others as being the epitome of "Superwoman". It's the thoughts that are creating the problem. Do you get what I'm trying to say?
Maybe you are right and I am just not really following you . . .