justholdstill - I know what you're going through. I can relate very well. I won't go into details here, because it would be pointless to do so.
I can tell you that you won't get the support you need from a public forum. You will get lots of advice and criticism, but not support. You won't find many people here who really understand what you're going through, simply because most people haven't gone through such things.
What you need is one on one support, from a compassionate person who understands what you're going through. You may or may not get this from a therapist.
Find a close friend. Someone you can trust and be open with. Someone who understands you and is eager to help. A close, male, friend. These childhood sexual issues will manifest themselves as a distrust and discomfort with men. This is why it is important that it be a man who helps you through them.
This is how I recovered. I confided in a close, female friend of mine. She listened, completely understood, and helped me through things.
If you have no such male friends in your life, you can probably find someone online that will gladly help you through this. As you can see, there are several people here who would like to help.
If all else fails, you can always PM or email me, and we can talk.
No one should have to live a life of suffering because of past injuries.