justholdstill - First of all, I commend and honor you for opening your heart on this forum. I totally agree with Parthon regarding your need for resolution at the unconscious level. You must release the emotional/energetic ties to those events in your childhood. And, that can be done quite quickly.
Parthon mentioned Neuro-linguistic Programming, which I became certified in after someone helped me through a major belief breakthrough of my own. I now help a lot of women release all the negative residue around sexual abuse. If you're up for it, I'm happy to speak with you further offline where we can do 'the work' necessary for your complete emotional healing and taking back control of your life, instead of letting these two boys have any more power over you.
You'll be fine. It's not difficult work at all. And I've never seen it take any longer than 3 total hours to completely release and all emotional ties around abuse.
I hopefully look forward to helping you empower yourself...
Sean Smith
sean@coachseansmith.com