Seeker5 - I'm so glad you have received so much support on this thread. As I was reading your first post I had a few thoughts that lead me to some thoughts that may or may not be helpful. If my suggestions don't resonate with you then just ignore them.
Let me begin with some notes based on your first post and then my thoughts in response to some of your postings.
Face my pain rather than bury it. |
Run away from pain via computer games, reading the news, browsing forums.
Disconnect and shut down socially, isolate
Triggering belief that I am a loser; been clingy and needing validation.
Relationship ending has resulted in these issues surfacing.
this limiting belief that "it's dangerous and stupid for me to show to others that I may be cared for"
Consider this - the things you do to run away from the pain (i.e. computer games etc) are a vestige of a life-saving technique. In other words, at an earlier time the pain from the limiting belief or other wound was so intense that it needed to be repressed or buried in order to survive. Now as an adult the repressing or disassociative techniques survive but they are not only no longer lifesaving they are now destructive. Where the pain from the wounding once was life-threatening, now can be dealt with rationally as an adult but only if those memories are allowed to resurface.
It may be the case that you are re-experiencing pain from a very young age but not the memories.
What I saw as I read your first post was that as a result of resolving to get to the source of your limiting beliefs the core of your original pain began pushing itself to the surface. What you identify as your limiting belief, "I am a loser" possibly comes from a very young age, from wounds that were repressed and became subconscious or unconscious.
You see in yourself that you normally give the other person room but in this recent relationship you became clingy and needing validation. Perhaps it is your rational self, the Left-brain portion that values independance and freedom and thus has repressed the Right-brain, emotional side of you which was wounded at a very young age and did NOT receive the nurturing that you needed. Perhaps that repressed, wounded part DOES need that connection and validation and no longer could be repressed. The wounding seems to be that the very being who needed to nurture and provide life-giving protection to you actually gave you the destructive messages which you now identify as your limiting belief.
Perhaps as an adult you can now provide for that young child the validation and affirmation that you once needed and that that child resurfaced and tried to get out of this recent relationship.
[I'm afraid my writing is disjointed. For some reason I am not articulating in a way to clearly convey my vision but I am going to post it any way. If any part of this strikes a chord with you I will be glad to try to write more clearly. Regardless, I do hope that you are able to find the relief you are seeking. Noone deserves to be trapped by any kind of a limiting belief and I wish you freedom.]