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Angela · 03-01-2009, 06:19 PM

You know, we've been talking a lot about cylon's approach, but I don't think it's off-topic from pyrogen's original post. It's all related: is what you're doing getting you what you want? Is it really what you want?

I think a person might be really well served by boldly looking at what his/her heart's desire. Am I totally satisfied, fulfilled, and joyful having one-night or short-term encounters, or would I really prefer to have something else, like connection, joy, generosity, and love? Am I looking for marriage at the expense of real authentic relating? What's really important to me right now?

If you are relating to a woman as if she is "Women" (or a man as if he is "Men") as you believe "Women" or "Men" to BE as a reality, then you are robbing yourself of flexibility in responding and relating to the woman or man who is front of you. You are relating only to your own beliefs about who (s)he is, not to the actual person. This approach works well if you're interested in only relating inside your own head. But if you want to have authentic relationship, I think it works much better to let go of all your hard-won beliefs about what is a man or what is a woman, and be really present and accepting with the person who stands before you.

Personally, I prefer not to have drinks involved at all in the process, because it just enhances hallucination and it diminishes the power of your authentic body-response to the person, and your ability to trust it.

And I think that 5 minutes may be enough for your conscious mind to register whether or not you'd like to be romantically or sexually involved with this person, or whether he's a potential Mr. Right, but when you're focusing on making that evaluation, you're also killing off your ability to really accept and be present with the person. If you widen your acceptance perception, you're able to both make that evaluation AND be really present and authentically relate, and it takes a lot of the pressure off you both -- there's no win/lose involved in that kind of encounter. If you're in a hurry to get laid or into a "relationship", I can see where you might get impatient with this approach.

And if you'd like to have everything you dream of in a relationship, including love, connection, generosity, peace, joy, or whatever else, you might want to try letting go of everything you think you know about what men or women ARE. (You could still accomplish all that in 5 minutes, by the way, cylon. But it would mean opening yourself up to much more than just the evaluation of whether or not she likes you or is available to you.)

It has nothing to do with buying drinks or having someone pay for dinner, or waiting 3 days to call, or limiting your calls to 3 minutes, or or or.

It has everything to do with showing up, big and bold, and opening up your bandwidth.

03-01-2009, 06:19 PM	#134 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	You know, we've been talking a lot about cylon's approach, but I don't think it's off-topic from pyrogen's original post. It's all related: is what you're doing getting you what you want? Is it really what you want? I think a person might be really well served by boldly looking at what his/her heart's desire. Am I totally satisfied, fulfilled, and joyful having one-night or short-term encounters, or would I really prefer to have something else, like connection, joy, generosity, and love? Am I looking for marriage at the expense of real authentic relating? What's really important to me right now? If you are relating to a woman as if she is "Women" (or a man as if he is "Men") as you believe "Women" or "Men" to BE as a reality, then you are robbing yourself of flexibility in responding and relating to the woman or man who is front of you. You are relating only to your own beliefs about who (s)he is, not to the actual person. This approach works well if you're interested in only relating inside your own head. But if you want to have authentic relationship, I think it works much better to let go of all your hard-won beliefs about what is a man or what is a woman, and be really present and accepting with the person who stands before you. Personally, I prefer not to have drinks involved at all in the process, because it just enhances hallucination and it diminishes the power of your authentic body-response to the person, and your ability to trust it. And I think that 5 minutes may be enough for your conscious mind to register whether or not you'd like to be romantically or sexually involved with this person, or whether he's a potential Mr. Right, but when you're focusing on making that evaluation, you're also killing off your ability to really accept and be present with the person. If you widen your acceptance perception, you're able to both make that evaluation AND be really present and authentically relate, and it takes a lot of the pressure off you both -- there's no win/lose involved in that kind of encounter. If you're in a hurry to get laid or into a "relationship", I can see where you might get impatient with this approach. And if you'd like to have everything you dream of in a relationship, including love, connection, generosity, peace, joy, or whatever else, you might want to try letting go of everything you think you know about what men or women ARE. (You could still accomplish all that in 5 minutes, by the way, cylon. But it would mean opening yourself up to much more than just the evaluation of whether or not she likes you or is available to you.) It has nothing to do with buying drinks or having someone pay for dinner, or waiting 3 days to call, or limiting your calls to 3 minutes, or or or. It has everything to do with showing up, big and bold, and opening up your bandwidth.