I just thought that I would post this story for you all, maybe someone will get something out of it, or have a word of advice that I haven't already noticed.
Last Saturday night I shampooed and blow dried out my hair. I rarely take the time to blow dry it so it was a special thing. My hair looked absolutely amazing! Its longer than its ever been, almost down to my butt and just really, really pretty. I get lots and lots of looks when I'm out, and my older kids female friends are always telling them how nice they think my hair is. (So I'm kind of attached to it
)
Well, Monday morning I was going through the mail and an advertisement for a local college caught my eye. There on the cover was a photo of a young girl, probably 17 or 18 (half my age, anyway) thin, beautiful straight white teeth and platinum blond hair with a fringey kind of haircut. Well, all of a sudden (and as usual), who I was suddenly wasn't good enough anymore. Suddenly, to be good enough I had to look like her.
So I called my ex mother in law and asked her to give me a hair cut. I showed her the picture and she proceeded to start cutting. She cautioned me that the girl in the pic had straight hair and I have naturally wavy hair so the cut wouldn't look the same, but I was insistent.
If ever there were a time when I wished I could turn back time, it would have been the next morning when I woke up and looked in the mirror.
It has taken me DAYS to forgive myself for not loving who I am in the first place (is that an oxymoron of some type?)
It's also interesting that I am focusing on being "Attractive" , with attractive being a catch all phrase for not acting in repellent ways, and here I go physically sabotaging myself like this.
Last night a Lucy catalog came in the mail with yoga clothes in it. I opened it up and there was a picture of a model with the most incredible stomache! I caught myself studying her image so that I could figure out how to replicate her look.
God help me! (Or if you can't do that could you please turn me into a Lucy model
)