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Originally Posted by Zoomorphic  Hi, everyone.
This is my first relationship with a guy. I don't know much about dating and relationship. Need a bit of advice on this one.
I have been dating this guy for almost 2 months now. We've been casually going out. At the beginning, he paid for all the dates and now recently for the past few dates he stops paying for me. I m a bit disappointed. I dont know why. I dont expect him to pay for all the dates but i would prefer him to pay for the majority of the dates. Am I wrong to expect him to pay for me all the time?For the past few dates when we are about to pay. He said he needs to go to the cash machine to get more money and that he has enough to pay for his meal only and searching through pockets to find it.
I don't like that in particular, when he asks me to hang out at the weekend and then didnt bring enough money. I dont know if he's doing that to avoid paying. Its not like he has no income.
I dont know what to do now. I really dont know financial dealing in a relationship. I m so embarrassed to ask my friends.
At the moment, I m starting to lose interest in him because i think that he's not very generous and that money is more important to him. Am i wrong?
Also, 2 weeks ago, on Valentine's day I was expecting romantic dinner or maybe he'll plan something nice.
He has no plans for me that day and didnt bring me roses except a box of chocolate and we stayed home. He asked me what i wanted to do on V-day when he arrived but i thought he would plan that special day for me. I was so devastated on V-day because I had never been out on V-day before and knowing that this was my first V-day and that he may be my first boyfriend even if we havent official declared so. My V-day turned was nothing special and memorable.
I dont know what to do now. Should i Dump him?
Am i wrong to have expectations??
Should i date other people instead, I do have few other guys who have been interested in me. I m afraid it may run into the same confusion and uncertainty again.
I would appreciate to get some input from men and women.
I m 23 years old and i want a successful relationship. I cant sleep and its midnight now... |
Did you read that part specifically (you wrote it):
"...I dont expect him to pay for all the dates but i would prefer him to pay for the majority of the dates. Am I wrong to expect him to pay for me all the time?"
1. You
don't expect him to pay for all the dates.
2. You would
prefer him to pay for the majority of the dates.
3. Then you ask if you are wrong to
expect him to pay for you all of the time
So which is it? You don't expect him to pay for all the dates, you expect the majority of them to paid for by him, you expect him to pay for you all the time?
I'm wondering if you are indecisive with other things you do together?
FYI - it's boring when a guy has to pay all the time. When do you invest in him? A guy should not be expected to pay for all the dates or the majority of them. Women earn as much as men do, there's no reason why a woman shouldn't be expected to chip in or pay for dates.
Plus he is investing you all of the time. Where is his return on this investment? You expected valentine's day to be something special & romantic that he planned. If he's been doing all of the investing in all of your dates thus far, it's quite possible he thought maybe you would show some gratitude and plan a great valentine's day to show him that you appreciate the fact that he's been footing the bill while you've been dating.
It's actually a smart thing he's doing. He's trying to determine if all you're interested in is a meal ticket. If he stops paying for the dates, he'll find out if you're genuinely interested in him or his wallet. If it's the latter, he'll find out soon enough because you are thinking about dating other people - that's how I would think about this and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this type of thinking.
Another thing to consider is this. If he is expected to pay for all the dates and it's just something you expect him to do all the time, is he allowed to expect sex after every date because you expected him to pay for every date? Is that a fair expectation for him to have of you or would you consider that manipulative & controlling for him to expect something from you for what he's doing.
During all of this time of thinking about your expectations (and probably being transparent about it, either vocally or in the way you carry yourself or respond), did you consider his expectations from all of this dating?
It is evident that this is the first time you've been dating someone, it's a very immature way of dealing with people. Maybe he's just trying to be nice to you and not be honest that paying for you all the time is boring him, he may be looking for a way out.
I would say talk to him, get it out in the open - you are just dating, you aren't married. If you can't be honest with each other at this stage of the game and aren't willing to change, how much better could it get?
If this came out that I was coming down hard on you, don't look at it that way, look at it that someone is being honest with you about how you are acting.