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Originally Posted by Angela  Hey, ThoughtAddict, I would like to invite you to practice letting go of that regret, and looking at it from a perspective that you expressed your love at exactly the right time, for you, for her, and for the world. |
Invitation accepted, but the directions aren't very clear. Perhaps I should've RSVPed and double checked. Mapquest didn't have directions to "letting go of regret".
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By going through everything you went through leading up to writing your letter, you get to have the realizations and breakthroughs that you're having now and that are right up ahead, and that's perfect, isn't it?
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It does not seem like it. Perhaps these realizations will help me grow and be better, but I caused a lot of pain to people who didn't deserve it. Being the source of that pain isn't perfect. No matter what is said or what growth I get out of this, she deserved more kindness than I gave. And while my realization of that is valuable, it does not excuse it.
Wouldn't it be dishonest of me to label this as perfect knowing the pain I caused?
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Do you think you might feel better and more powerful if you were to move a bit more to the at-cause side of things? . . . You know, don't you, that you are the infinite power to communicate yourself so boldly and lovingly that anyone can totally get you, and that you are 100% responsible for that communication.
I don't know if I totally get you, but I do know that I would love to, and that I'm not alone in that.
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Well, you're right. It is in my power to express myself and connect. In the past, I have had significant challenges with that. One of my other friends is an expert at connecting with people... even with complete strangers on the street. People she's met only in passing go out of their way to maintain connections with her. It has always been something I want, to be able to connect that quickly and easily. It has never come easily for me, and I'm not sure if that's just a lack of skills or a mindset that makes it more difficult.
It isn't easy for me to open up and trust people. The friend I sent the letter to got me to open up very quickly and easily. Not in some "tell you all my secrets" sort of way, but the conversation just flowed. It felt natural from the beginning. Neither of us seemed to care about impressing each other or keeping the conversation flowing... it just came. She had that effect on many people... and I haven't had another connection like it. I'm not sure how I would go about doing so. I'm not really sure I know how to be at cause in a positive way in this area of my life.
Your message made me smile, Angela.