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maybe growing older,fear of dying etc.,a sneaking suspicion that if they dont resort to manipulation they are actually NOT WORTH LOVING?
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I'm sure about the manipulation bit. If we forget to send a card, or if my husband doesn't ring them in a while, they start talking about hospital visits, faint spells, and things alike. Which is quite obvious. The thing is, if they are ever REALLY ill will we be believe them?
I think you're right: they are terrified about not being loved. For example, they took over the upbringing of their grandchildren. How? She keeps telling my sister-in-law what a poor mum she is, how she can't do anything or know how to look after her own daughters, etc. Then she moans about having to do EVERYTHING. Last time they were over I pointed out "you have to stop doing everything and let the parents take over. If you don't do it, they'll do it". My father-in-law just replied "I don't want to talk about it because it upsets me". And he left. But my mother-in-law is proud that the kids want to be with them all the time, etc.
I'm sorry for them because despite having a huge family they don't get along with anybody. Except us....
(fake relation)