thats great susanna.
one often does care even tho they may not like a person.
(you can choose your friends ,but you cant shoot your relatives
)
ah dont worry about the selfishness bit,just do away with the guilt.its conditioning.of whats right and wrong.shuds n shudnts
calm down ,your freaking out is not gonna stop your husband from becoming anxious (thats his issue with his parents aint it?..wonder why you feel responsible for 'making things right' between them)and anyway youre not really helping here because you are reacting in the same way
seems like one huge cycle of guilt going on here.1st they cut you out and treat you bad n then try to make up for it.then they help you out and you feel guilty for having ill feelings for them. do you see whats happening?
your own conditioning that if you dont 'respect' parents then youre a scumbag which is in direct contrast to your actual feelings of resentment at having your privacy and life invaded.
also just see their original 'appalling thing' in perspective.jus go a bit deeper as to why?what wud prompt anyone to 'cut off'?was it a tool to control?a 'punishment' for being bad?yet another ploy that parents use to keep their kids under em?
then look further..did they feel left out and abandoned?were they feeling insecure that their son has 'chosen' his wife over THEM!
then look further..can you or your husband really offer a cure against their own feelings of..maybe growing older,fear of dying etc.,a sneaking suspicion that if they dont resort to manipulation they are actually NOT WORTH LOVING?
then look in and recognize ..that they are just looking for love,same as you.all their control drama designed just so they cud feel a bit loved.
but Susanna you can show em how to love without controlling.bullying your kids so that they love you is just not working.and that they dont need to do that in order to feel loved.
cos they will be loved anyways.
same way, bribing them by being good in order to get their approval to prove to yourself that you are good.
cos you are,anyways.
peel off the layers.underneath lies the same ol fear.
plain ol you n plain ol them.the same.