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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}  ... he completely negates any feelings I've had when girls have openly flirted with him while I'm standing right there. He says that it's nothing and I should just get over it. |
One thing you could say to him is something like:
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Wow! Now I can really get it. When I've felt anxiety about what I've noticed you doing and you have said, "Aspiring, you should just get over it", it's just like I feel now. We have traded places, so we could both see it from each other's perspective. How great! Now I can see what you were talking about -- I wish you could just "get over it" because by insisting that there's a problem, you enhance and increase the "problem" -- just like I have done! It's really amazing how powerful we are together.
So now, is this something we're willing to go ahead and learn the lesson in? We can both see that "just getting over it" is not really effective at all. Do you want to brainstorm together on finding a solution, so that we can both feel totally loving and partnership and generosity and freedom [or whatever it is you both want in your relationship], or do we want to just go ahead and continue to feel pain around it and to nurture that pain until it gets so bad we just break up (or get married and be miserable)? How would you like to go forward so that you are most satisfied and fulfilled?
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[generous listening generous listening generous listening]