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Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}  Bf states he hates other guys looking at me....In addition, he completely negates any feelings I've had when girls have openly flirted with him while I'm standing right there. He says that it's nothing and I should just get over it. |
You are the beautiful and clear mirror for BF, who is gazing in and not liking what he sees about himself, and so he is projecting it onto you. For him in this circumstance, you are not a real person, you are the ghostly projected image of how he sees himself in his own mind.
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The bottom line though is that I do have an attraction to this other guy. That's a first for me since we've been together. And the more bf gets angry with me and pushes me away the more it builds up.
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Isn't that funny? You might never have even noticed this other fellow's attraction to you if BF hadn't emotionally pointed it out to you. It's as if he is screaming at you: "Whatever you do, DON'T think about a fuzzy pink bunny! You are so wrong to think about a fuzzy pink bunny!" And all you can picture in your mind is ... well, you know. Do you think he realizes how powerful he is in creating the fuzzy pink bunny?
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Advice, criticism, escape plan? Just seriously give it to me straight.
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The first thing I'd ask you to do is: Notice the truth of what he's saying -- you are indeed a beautiful and attractive woman, and men are attracted to you because you are attractive. That is completely obvious. Now, notice that your reaction to that sounds something like, "oh, no no no, no I'm not, you don't really know how unattractive I am.... blah blah blah squawk squawk." And then notice how good it feels when you are ready to let go of that inner talk, and take on fully accepting a belief that you are attractive (what's that? an "I can't?" let that go, too -- keep practicing; the more you do it, the easier it gets to really allow yourself to see a picture in your mind of an ideal, gorgeous, attractive You.)
As far as BF's problem goes, there's really nothing for you to do -- that's his issue, and I know that you are generous and loving enough to allow him the space to work out his own learnings. You can be a generous and loving mirror in the relationship by boldly taking on your OWN lessons, and then trusting that he can be influenced by the freedom and courage and commitment to personal growth that you are BEING. You can, you know.
He sees what he sees in his mirror which is you, and your most profound lesson in the relationship is in boldly looking at what YOU see in your mirror which is him, and in seeing that the way to change the image in the mirror is to change what you are doing. Watch!